Pain and Consequences
by Bob Regent
Summary: Xander goes after Faith, set after the body swop episode. Abandoned
1. Prologue

Pain and Consequences  
Author: Silent Bob Foley  
E-mail: BobRgnt@netscape.com  
Rating: Don't know the American rating so equivalent of a 15 certificate in England  
Summary: After the body swapping episode What would have happened if Xander had gone after Faith in LA Instead of Buffy, well now we will see. B/X angst F/X friendship.  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the BTVS Characters, Joss Whedon does   
Distribution: BBTZ, Slayerette and anyone else who wants it  
Feedback: Hell Yeah  
Spoilers: Body Swap episode.  
British Words and Spelling  
  
Prologue?  
  
Xander Harris pulled his car off of the interstate and towards Los Angeles, a few well-chosen vamps and demons and a little help from Willow's magic and they had found where Faith had gone. Buffy had been ready to tear off and get the rogue slayer but Xander helped by both Giles and strangely enough Riley had managed to stall her manic rage.  
  
Giles and Xander had talked quietly and quickly about Faith and that they had to find her and fast. If Giles disappeared then the rest of the gang would have known about it, however as the only other person thinking straight and with a Driver's license he had agreed to get after Faith as soon as Buffy's attention was elsewhere. It seemed to Xander that the gradual indifference to him Buffy was showing may just be useful in this one instance.  
  
A while later Buffy had finally fallen asleep exhausted after the last few days and by the drugs that the Council's heavies had placed in her while she had been in Faith's body. Xander had taken the chance and had stolen away and driven to LA, it had only been a few hours ago that they had found out that Faith was in LA and he had been informed that Angel now had her under his control and that Buffy had found out he was on his way there- he had no idea what Buffy would do and so he had to get to Faith first.  
  
He pulled up to the building that he had been informed housed Angel Investigations, he sat in his car in silence for a few minutes contemplating what he was about to do. He was about to enter a place that housed much of the pain he had been through over the last few years of his life and he knew it wasn't going to be easy to get through the day. One had been his tormentor and adversary for over three years and the other had been one for his entire life and at one point the love of his life the one person he was willing to give up Buffy for.  
  
He took a deep breath and steadied himself he had no idea what they would think of him when he walked through the door of the building, and he wasn't at all sure that he wanted to know, however as he looked up his stomach dropped into his feet.  
He saw a face looking at him from outside the building trying to squint through the glass of the window and see him.  
  
*Cordelia...*  
  
Her eyes widened and the familiar face behind the windshield stepped out of the car and walked towards her. He had bulked up considerably over the last year and she drifted her eyes slowly over his body. She looked up into the Dark chocolate eyes of one of her oldest and closest friends, she felt a surge of anger and pain when she saw him, his infidelity with Willow was a closed but aching wound- she didn't know what she wanted to do. Emotions ripped through her at high speed, so much in such a small amount of time, she couldn't see him she didn't want to...  
  
Then she realised that she had no choice...  
  
She dropped her bags and flung her arms around Xander she hugged him tightly and giggled. His own arms returned the gesture and squeezed her tightly; he felt the giggling and smiled, Cordelia Chase long term pain in the backside and his greatest enemy for most of his life and also the person he missed the most when they had parted.  
  
"Hello Cordy."  
  
"Xander, I haven't seen you for so long. Why are you here?"  
  
He pulled away and wiped a stray tear away from her face, he wrapped an arm round her shoulders pulling her with him, stopping only for him to pick up her bags they walked into the building and to the offices- he told her all about the Faith/Buffy body switching Dilemma. She knew most of it and he knew it, but she still listened attentively- when he told her that he was here without permission and maybe only hours ahead of Buffy she almost stumbled. Xander's arms shot out to her shoulders and helped to steady her. She smiled appreciatively to him and walked away from him, as they walked in they saw Wesley nursing his wounds on the settee in the offices.  
  
"And I thought I was the only one to get those type of injuries."  
  
Wesley looked up and his eyes squinted as he tried to place the face with the name and after a few seconds he had it.  
  
"Mr Harris, nice to see you again."  
  
"You alright Wesley?"  
  
"I shall be Mr Harris, just a little handiwork of Faith's."  
  
"I didn't know. I only had a little Information before I came here. You need any help?"  
  
"I'll be fine Mr Harris, My body will have to fix itself the hospital did all they could. I may try a spell or two help heal the major damage."  
  
"Ok if you're sure, and call me Xander. Mr Harris makes me think of my father."  
  
"Very Well Xander. Thank you for your concern."  
  
Xander nodded and walked to the elevator, he pushed the button that took him to the bottom floor where he saw Faith asleep on the bed and Angel pacing the floor. Slowly the elevator stopped and he walked out, Angel was so heavy in thought he hadn't noticed the elevators decent or the arrival of the young man. Xander waited until Angel had gained to semblance of coherency and spoke up.  
  
"You awake Deadboy."  
  
Angel literally jumped at the sound of Xander's voice; he spun around as supernatural speed as belied his vampiric abilities. He took a step back and looked up at the young human. He looked relieved and a little apprehensive.  
  
"Xander. How's things in Sunnydale?"  
  
"Same as always. Angel, shit flies everywhere. I suppose you know why I'm here. How's Faith."  
  
Angel looked at the dark haired beauty on his bed; he looked away sadly and brought his eyes up to lock with Xander. Xander listened intently as Angel explained about Faith's arrival and consequent kidnapping and torture of Angel and of her breakdown and total loss of willpower the night before, they both looked at her and soon a little spark of knowledge burnt in the forefront of Xander's mind, something he had known about as Sgt Harris and later from Buffy and Willow as they talked about their Psyche classes. It was something he had come close to at least once.  
  
"Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome."  
  
"Pardon me." Replied Angel.  
  
"A mental problem that some people have after extreme stress. Slayers have a hell of a stress problem and she saw her Watcher killed. A woman who brought her up over the last few years, she was never treated and she did what she did to stop having to face her pain."  
  
Angel nodded and understood Faith was on her own so much and had to face all she did on her own. Losing her watcher and then knowing that her mentor and defacto 'father' even if he was an evil demon lord was dead had finally made her snap out of sanity completely, she had finally made it back but at a terrible price. He knew Buffy had already been very close to that line between good and evil and it had been the young man in front of him that held her back from the brink.  
  
"When Buffy died?" he asked Xander  
  
Xander tilted his head with a look of incomprehension on his face that slowly shifted to one of understanding and knowledge. He realised that Angel had pushed on one point where Buffy had also come close to PTS. He nodded and looked at the Dark Haired slayer on the bed he looked back to Angel and Angel nodded back and left the room and used the Elevator to get back to the offices. For just a second he looked back at the young man that stood next to the woman that had tormented them all so much and knew that he like many other times was all that stood between existence and hell. Only this time it was a personal hell that would torture a woman and that would take her one and only true friend to rescue her from.  
  
Once again he would be a Knight in shining armour, a knight to save a damsel in distress- a distress of her own making,  
  
Xander took a seat next to the bed and ever so gently brushed the hair away from the pale skin of Faith's face. He removed his hand as she slowly stirred and opened her eyes. She jumped slightly as she looked up and saw Xander; everything from the day before had ripped through her mind as she had awoken.  
  
"Faith It's okay I'm not here to hurt you. I'm here to help if you need me to, hell I want to help you, but I'll go if you say no."  
  
"No..."  
  
Her response hadn't surprised him in the slightest, but even with the foreknowledge of what she would say it had been worth a try to help her. He still felt something for her even after all she had done but he didn't know if it was because of their shared experiences in fighting the demons of the night or because of their upbringings and the fighting of the demons of their souls. They had a connection no matter what she had said that night she had thrown him out, he believed she knew that and had been scared of it. He stood up to leave and as he took the first step he froze and turned back at her next words.  
  
"...Don't go."  
  
Faith looked up at him; unlike the other times he had seen her she wasn't heavily made up and didn't have the perpetual smirk or frown on her face. He saw her, as she really was a 17-year-old young girl who had no one and nothing to live for and no one to look out for her. She was scared- of herself and of what she had brought down on herself because of her actions. She couldn't look at him and hooded her eyes and looked down at her lap, her hands were clutched tightly together and she was shaking violently.   
  
Xander sat next to her and stroked her back lightly, her shaking slowly stopped and he gently pulled her into a comforting hug and she started to sob uncontrollably. He held onto her for what felt like hours to her but could not have been more than ten minutes, after she finally came up she saw the whole of the front of his T-shirt and black overshirt were soaked. She shot up and wiped her eyes, he tipped her head to look at him.  
  
"You okay now." He asked. She nodded and smiled a wan smile at him and pulled the quilt over her shoulders. He smiled back and stood up, she grabbed his hand as he tried to leave and stared at her with terrified and needy eyes.  
  
Not the needy eyes she had once shown him during the 'Night of the Zeppo' as he had taken to calling it. The night where all she showed was lust and desire for him to bed her. This need was of a type he was only too willing to show her. The need to a friend for someone to protect and care for her, and the need for him to stay with her.  
  
"I have to leave for a few minutes. I will be back I promise." She shook her head empathetically; she didn't want him to go.   
  
"Don't Leave Me." she said in the smallest voice he had ever heard, even Willow had never spoke so lightly. He knelt on the floor so he could look up to her, to look into her dark expressive eyes. He had never seen her so tired or so vulnerable in all the time he had known her. He whispered to her so she wouldn't get more upset.   
  
"I have to some things can't wait and drinking a litre of Coke on a hot day is not something I'll recommend. Unless you want to watch and I also would not recommend that, besides it'll give me something to look forward to when I come back." He bobbed his eyebrows and she giggled little a little child.  
  
"You promise."  
  
"I promise, I will not leave you Faith. We messed things up before you left I am going to make sure it doesn't happen again. I will be here for you as long as you need me. If you need to go back to sleep, I'll be here and..."  
  
"Will you hold me."  
  
He was taken aback by her request but nodded his head at her request he would be there for her as long as she needed him. He left to take care of business, his mind wandered as he sat and 'transacted'.  
  
Why was he doing this? She tried to kill them all; she betrayed them when she went over to the mayor's side. He was doing it because it was his way, he had helped an ex-demon see the good side of humankind, he had changed the spoilt bitch of a May queen into a good human being and he had befriended all three women who had taken the weight of the world on their shoulders as they became slayers.   
  
Now he was fulfilling his friendship by helping a lost and trapped young woman find herself again and not have to travel that lost and lonely path on her own. He slowly made his way back from the bathroom to where she was asleep on the bed, her arms and legs were thrashing around and her face was contorting to angry, afraid and vulnerable. She was going through so much, more than any of them had ever seen except maybe Angel.  
  
He moved onto the bed, obeying a promise he had made to her before he had had to leave, Slowly he removed his work boots and lay atop the quilt and gathered her into his arms and into the warmth of his body. All over she was so cold, body mind and soul, he could help with the mind and body but her soul would take a very long time. As he held her and whispered heartfelt emotions quietly she calmed and within seconds she had stopped shaking and a contented sound emanated from her. He guessed that this was the first dream free sleep she had had in so long, he knew the feeling at that and knew she needed this as much as he ever had. He whispered to her soothingly not knowing if she could hear it at all but hoping anything he could do would help her.  
  
This single act of friendship he was willing to give is the thing that made his different to so many of his friends and family. He would always give people the chance to redeem themselves no matter their crimes, Buffy, Willow and Oz had at one time or another hurt him sometimes more than others but he had never left them and never will. He knew what it was like to be abandoned, to have no one to turn to when you needed them, even with Willow and Jesse he had been alone so much, he had felt such pain and suffering and swore never to have any one of his friends go through what he had to.  
  
He had failed twice before and he would never again let people be hurt like that, he failed Faith when she came to Sunnydale and he failed to help her again during the body exchange she had gone through with Buffy. He hated himself for that more than anything he had ever done, but he was here now and would not let her go through any more alone. He knew that if he didn't do something soon then Faith would likely end up in a correctional Institute or a mental hospital, Faith deserved more than that and he would make sure that she would not go there- if necessary take the blame for what she had done while in LA.  
  
Xander watched as the elevator came down and out stepped Angel, he peaked an eyebrow at the scene in front of him. Xander smiled a slight smile and looked at the bundle snuggled up to him. Faith was comfortable and was sleeping soundly.  
  
"Why?" asked Angel  
  
"I could ask the same thing. I think you know."  
  
"Guilt, Pain and vulnerability. We've both been going through the same thing. I suppose you have too Xander."  
  
The memories of so much pain and suffering he had seen and been responsible for over his life haunted him day and night. Even the things before the horrors of the night had been revealed to him all those years ago haunted him with a clarity that frightened him when the buried memories slammed into his mind at odd moments, he turned to the soul ridden vampire standing before him.  
  
"More than you know Angel, more than you know. There are so many things that people should never do and some things that should never be known."  
  
"If you mean the lie you told Buffy about the curse, and you believing you failed her then I understand believe me I do."  
  
Xander's head jerked up, he nodded slowly. The final conversation that he had had the day before Graduation he had told Angel that he had known the Curse was to be cast once again the day he had released Acathla. He had told him and had said in no uncertain terms that he was not sorry that he had held back that Information from Buffy. Angel had been angry at the thought that the boy, his greatest adversary outside of the slayer had been responsible for hellish torture in the depths of hell itself. He had brought himself almost nose to nose with the young man and realised for the first time Xander was not afraid of him.   
  
It was almost a carbon copy of the last time Xander had come face to face with Angel, and like that time Xander was not willing to back down. Angel came to the realisation that Xander may have been in the wrong but if he hadn't Angelus would have succeeded in destroying the world for the humans and maybe even demons of the same world. Angel knew that the same young man would have no objections to killing him if he got out of line, for the first time in history it was Angel that backed up from this encounter. Xander had been surprised and for the first time had actually apologised to Angel for everything that he had said or done to Angel through the two and a half years that they had known each other.   
  
"Will she be okay."  
  
"I don't know but I plan on helping her. She needs people to be constants in her life. I plan to help her by being one, I think she'll need you to be one too, Angel.   
  
"No problem, I know how she feels remember. She'll need more than that though Xander. She's not all there Xander and she'll need as much help as we can give her and maybe we can find her someone that can get far into her mind to unwrap the problems she has."  
  
"Buffy's on her way isn't she." It was a statement and not a question and Angel knew it.  
  
"Yes she is. Xander you have to understand she just went through several days as her worst enemy and saw everything through Faith's eyes. She likely thinks of faith as the greatest persecutor to damage that she has. She can't risk it."  
  
Xander made a decision that would effect almost a dozen lives, changing everything that they did and everything that they could ever expect. He would allow Faith to go back with him and no one especially Buffy would make him change his mind about the help he was going to give her.  
  
"She's going to have to. I'm taking Faith back to Sunnydale with me. Maybe Giles can help her more than we can."  
  
"His Oxford and Watcher training."  
  
Xander nodded his affirmation, he knew that Faith could only be helped by Giles. He also knew Faith would need him as well, he knew it as a kind of reverse 'Florence Nightingale' effect. He was the first friendly face she had seen upon waking up, without him she could lose it completely. He would not let the problems between her and Buffy and maybe even Willow send her back to the dark side.  
  
"Yep. I think we're the only people that can help her."  
  
"Angel!!!" Cordelia's voice screamed down the stairs, Faith shifted in Xander's arms but did not awaken. Cordy flew down the stairs almost falling over as she slammed into the table. As she pulled the hair away from her eyes she was shocked at the scene in front of her, she was about to launch into a tirade at Xander when she saw the looks in both Angel and Xander's faces and shut up. She however now remembered what was so important she had rushed down the stairs at breakneak speed.  
  
"Buffy's here. She got here faster than Giles thought she would. She looks pissed Angel but I don't think she knows Xander's here. I didn't tell her."  
  
The grip on Xander's shirt got tighter and the bundle in his arms tried to bury itself deeper, he looked down to see Faith awake and she had obviously heard Cordelia's news- he looked into her eyes and saw something he had never seen before- fear, total primeval and terrible fear. He was surprised at her reaction, she had never seemed to be scared of anything at any time he had known her. He pulled her closer and she shook.   
  
She knew there was one reason she was afraid and it wasn't that Buffy would hurt her she was ready for that. She was afraid that she would hurt Buffy if she had to defend herself and she was more than afraid for Xander- her protector. She felt safe with him. But would Buffy hurt him to get at her- she didn't want to risk him getting hurt, she felt his arms pull away and him stand up and move in front of her. Angel shifted to the side just back from Xander but still in front of her, almost backing Xander up.  
  
Then Faith realised it, the two men that meant the most to the blonde slayer were willing to face Buffy on her behalf and would not allow her to face Buffy without their presence. She had no idea why she was being helped by the two men but was thankful that for the first time she was not going to be on her own- she would have someone to back her up.  
  
To look out for her.  
  
There was no way that she was going to let them destroy any part of their lives for her, she couldn't let them lose that which she so desperately wanted herself. She grabbed Xander's hand and as he looked at her she shook her head, sat climbed out of bed and still dressed in clothes from the day before she readied herself. She closed her eyes and clasped her arms around herself trying to stop the fear and pain from frothing up into her mind. Xander held onto her and leant his support to her, she smiled and walked with them to the elevator. Xander looked at her and asked her if she was at all sure about this.  
  
Faith closed her eyes and forced down the fear and anxiety that were flowing through her at that moment, slowly she straightened up and opened her eyes, a little of the old confident Faith returning.  
  
She nodded and as Angel took the lead she snuggled into Xander's side, she was scared but she had to face this and maybe with Xander she could. But for now she had to face Buffy and she knew that was something that could not be helped. 


	2. Chapter 1

Pain and Consequences  
Author: Silent Bob Foley  
E-mail: BobRgnt@netscape.com  
Rating: Don't know the American rating so equivalent of a 15 certificate in England  
Summary: After the body swapping episode What would have happened if Xander had gone after Faith in LA Instead of Buffy, well now we will see. B/X angst F/X friendship.  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the BTVS Characters, Joss Whedon does   
Distribution: BBTZ, Slayerette and anyone else who wants it  
Feedback: Hell Yeah  
Spoilers: Body Swap episode.  
British Words and Spelling  
Dedication to Shawn, My old friend the next Times and trials is out soon prepare for your doom. 'g'  
  
Upper Floor  
20 Mins Earlier  
  
"Do you think they are alright Wesley?" Cordelia was looking over at the reclining Wesley Wyndham Pryce. Wes's Injuries would take a very long time to heal, Faith's abilities allowed her to be a very good torturer and the injuries to Wesley were very well thought out. Wesley had thought this out very much since she had come back and it had first occurred to him that something was wrong with Faith that could not be explained. He thought through his training but could not place what had gone wrong with the chosen one.  
  
Then it came to him in a thought, maybe there was nothing wrong maybe the powers that be had decided that the use of two slayers disrupted the balance of the fight of Good and Evil. By creating the evil slayer they could revive the balance and fight on equal terms once again.  
  
Faith had been in a bad way and so the balance once again may be hanging, the loss of Faith from both sides may have an unknown effect on the way of the world. The balance had to be maintained at all costs- if the balance was to fall to the darkness then the world would be lost to the evils of demonkind- all would be lost to those forces that they could not control. The same would happen if the forces of light and the fighters of mankind were to over balance the fight in their favour, the fight would be incredible. The last time that the fight had fallen in favour of either the world was close to destruction back in the Dark Ages, few knew anything of that time and the Watchers Council were one of the few groups that had any idea of just what had transpired in those dark days. The only other time in history that more than a single slayer had been called.  
  
The death of both slayers at the same instance had allowed the forces of the darkness to instil their own forces in the life essence of the next slayers. With that they were powerless to stop their own dark impulses and had destroyed many of the council and their allies before they were stopped by a powerful vampire that has since been lost to history.   
  
For one year and one day the world was without a slayer while the powers of the Watchers attempted to remove the darkness that was now permeated in the Slayer power.   
  
They failed.  
  
Instead they were able to use the same dark strength of the demons to allow the slayer to fight better against the monsters they would face. The darkness would forever be the greatest gift and greatest curse a slayer would have to face. The demon strengths and powers were suppressed and dulled so they were never seen again.  
  
Until three years ago.  
  
Because then there were two.  
  
With the death and subsequent rebirth of two slayers the forces that had been suppressed were unleashed. The powers that had held them back for all those years was weakened and finally dispersed.  
  
It was a poetic Irony that the new harbinger of destruction for the forces of darkness was named for one of the three most peaceful of human emotions. That name was FAITH.  
  
The darkness permeated the slayer all the way to the depths of her soul, any goodness that she had left was cornered and held down tight by the evil than now infested her. It was so slow and subtle that no-one knew what was happening or that she was falling so far into the darkness- except one man.  
  
Alexander LaVelle Harris- out of so many who claimed to care for her he was the only that saw her fall into the darkness. Time and again he tried to help her all without the results that he hoped, the final time he tried she attempted to murder him. At that point he had realised that she was almost unrecoverable and finally Faith fell to the darkness completely.  
  
However now after so long the darkness had slowly ebbed from the young woman, the darkness had believed that the slayer would not be able to awaken from her comatose state. The day she awoke the final strands of the evil power was all that was left, that and her own need for revenge on the allies of the Slayer.   
  
But even the desire for revenge only goes so far in the human mind, and after she finally managed to get her revenge on Buffy Summers she escaped and found herself in Los Angeles. Or For her friends Los 'Angelus', she had been hired to trap and kill the souled Vampire Angel. Faith was all to happy to take the vampire out, hurting the forces of good in so many ways.   
  
But fate would turn against her, in the torture of her former watcher Wesley her humanity had gradually reasserted itself finally breaking through during her final confrontation with Angel. Taking her home and with Cordelia's help getting Wesley back to the offices they had finally sorted themselves out. That next morning Angel had decided to contact Giles, however as he had done he had been warned by Giles that Buffy was on her way and that Xander Harris had a few hours start on her and would be there soon. Buffy didn't know that and with luck they could get Faith out of there before Buffy could make it to the offices.   
  
Unfortunately they were wrong.  
  
"Where Is She." Buffy slammed her hands down on the desk cracking the surface and straining the legs, Cordelia rolled back from the desk in her chair and looked at the blonde slayer.  
  
"What do you mean." Asked Wesley   
  
"Where's that bitch Faith."  
  
Cordelia and Wesley looked at each other, a fake 'what the hell is she on about' look on each face. Cordelia turned back to Buffy.  
  
"Last we heard she was still in Sunnydale, you lost her you find her."  
  
"I know she's here. We got information she was here, and I want her. Now you can help me or you can stay out of my way.  
  
"Fine."  
  
Buffy looked at the two of them like they were stains on the floor, looking around she searched for any proof that Faith may be here. So engrossed in her search that she hadn't noticed Cordelia moving closer to the stairs leading downwards. Then she found it stuck behind the desk was an old bent out of shape cross, one she recognised instantly. Wesley looked at Cordelia and inclined his head towards the stairs, Cordy ran like a bat out of hell and disappeared down them.  
  
"Angel!!!" Cordelia's voice screamed down the stairs,  
  
Wesley could hear muted voices downstairs, Buffy finally straightened up and stalked towards Wesley, he in turn moved towards the front door of the office. "Where is she Wesley, did she do that to you. I want her NOW."  
  
The elevator from downstairs finished it's climb to the top of the stairs, inside stood three figures that she couldn't quite identify in the darkness. However the first was recognisable only by her dark hair, the excessive make up, sneer and defiant demeanour was gone. She stood there head bowed, she wouldn't or maybe couldn't meet the eyes of the Blonde slayer and from the shadows to her left Angel stepped out behind her, his presence a comfort to her.  
  
Buffy however didn't much care and stalked towards Faith, the look on her face showing all assembled what she thought of Faith and that she was going to put her down one way or another. As she got there she grabbed for Faith but a hand from the third person grabbed her wrist holding it there with very surprising strength. She tried to pull back but the voice of the person stopped her dead.  
  
"That's far enough Buffy, leave her alone."  
  
"Xander?"  
  
Xander walked out of the shadows and into the light of the room beyond, he pulled Buffy along with him. She was too stunned to resist- her best friend here and helping the two people he should hate more than anyone else. He stopped and released her arm turning around she looked at him. Not for the first time she saw the depth of his resolve- much like Willow's famous 'Resolve Face'- his eyes could stop anyone in their tracks.  
  
"Xander? Why?"  
  
"Because she needs our help Buffy, I'm going to help her."  
  
Buffy shook off the surprise and looked at her friend, the anger that she felt over the last few days under the magic spell Faith was responsible for. The body swap, faith sleeping with Riley, letting her be captured by The Watcher's Council. Everything came back in a flood.  
  
"Xander she almost destroyed everything we worked for. She should be removed permanently."  
  
Faith shuffled back a little towards the shadows, the fear and remorse almost too much for her to handle. Everything that Buffy said was true, ever since she had been sent to Sunnydale she had done so much wrong- she had almost destroyed the scoobies and by default the world. She had hurt them all so much- most of all the two people fighting over her fate.  
  
Buffy Summers, she had just taken her in and had adopted her as a little sister- asked for nothing and given all. Faith had betrayed her. The other was just a normal person trying to help her out of whatever problems she had .  
  
Xander Harris: The only man that had shown her kindness and caring that she had never known- and like Buffy he had not asked for anything in return. She had practically raped him and soon afterwards tried to kill him. He was still here trying to help her through her pain and anger, arguing and standing down the other slayer, caring and compassionate, a man who was still willing to do anything for those he calls friends- even those who had forsaken that friendship. A man she could easily fall for.  
  
Xander's voice raised a little. "No she won't she's will Buffy has been for a long time, she's been hurt. She needs help from us all."  
  
"She murdered and hurt people. She hunted us, she almost killed you." Her voice got louder. "She killed innocents, she tortured an innocent man, hurt me more than I had ever been hurt, she betrayed me..."  
  
"It's all about YOU, isn't it Buffy." Xander's voice was low and accusing. It's always about you, and how you've been hurt. Well remember this Buffy, not everything revolves around you, In fact very little does. Your expendable Buffy- it might be hard for you to take but you can be replaced so easily. Do not believe or a second you have the right to give judgement over someone that you have no idea about. No idea about what has happened to them."  
  
"I can't believe your are defending her, she tried to kill you. Hurt Willow, tried to destroy the..."  
  
"So did Angel." The last shout shut the Slayer up completely. "Angel killed more people than we could count, Angel tried to kill all of us, he killed Jenny Calendar, tortured your watcher. Ambushed you when you were ill. Tried to kill you when you were laying..." He stopped- his biggest secret on his lips, he didn't know if he could go on with the sentence. The thought that Buffy and Faith and the others would ever know about that night had for so long been amongst his greatest fears, however maybe it was about time for that secret to come out- for them to know the truth about him and his inner demons. Looking at Angel he saw an almost imperceptible nod from the Vampire. "When you were laying in the hospital recovering from the flu."  
  
"How do you..."  
  
"Because I stopped him Buffy just like I always do. You may not think it Buffy but I am not helpless, I pull my weight even when you try to cut me out of the picture. I help you, most of the time I take your side most of the time, even when I'm not I make you listen and tell you the things that you might not want to hear. Not this time." He turned to Faith and Angel then back to Buffy. "You let Angel live Buffy, Now I'm letting Faith live."  
  
"If you think I..."  
  
"IT'S NOT YOUR DECISION." Xander shouted, "THIS IS NO LONGER ABOUT YOU AND WHAT YOU WANT. THIS IS ABOUT WHAT SHE NEEDS." He slowly calmed down. "She needs our help and I promised her it, you can help or stay away. At this point I really don't care, you allowed a soulless murdering bastard to run around Sunnydale free to kill and you didn't do your job. Recently I decided maybe that was a good thing we've needed him very much recently. Faith is a slayer, she is human and made some mistakes, and you have just condemned him to death with no chance of her defending herself. Well no you are not doing anything, I'm taking her back to Sunnydale and getting help."  
  
Buffy was speechless, she looked at her tall friend and saw not for the first time the man he had now become the look in his eyes and the set of his jaw made her believe that Xander meant every word that the young man had said and he would defend faith from her even at the cost of those he held dearest to him. Faith shifted closer to Xander, gratitude and hope evident in her eyes- she really was in a state unlike any they had seen before. However Buffy was adamant that the girl was no where as lost as she appeared to be, she was unprepared to feel the ache in her soul when Xander turned his back to her , when he moved over to Faith and enveloped her in a strength giving hug. Faith was in tears, everything that had transpired had hit her hard. The worst thing. Buffy thought Is that everything he said was true.  
  
Buffy turned around and fled out of the door, not looking back she got to her car and left quickly with no regard to the traffic laws. Tears streaming from her eyes. If she had looked back she would have seen no-one running after her.  
  
  
Nearest Café.   
Two hours after sunset  
  
Slowly each sat down at a table in the café, Faith and Xander Next to each other the others around the other side. Faith was still pale and wan but was looking a little better, she shivered a little and was grateful when Xander put his arm around her to warm her. Wesley seemed a little perturbed but also knew that much of what Faith did was not of her own doing, it would take a while but he would forgive her one day.  
  
Faith on the other hand was still thinking about what had happened that morning, how Xander had chosen her and the Angel gang over Buffy and the Sunnydale gang. He had given up more than she had the right to ask, as if she could have asked for anything.   
  
"Xander why did you do it." Faith asked him. Around the large table Faith, Wesley Cordelia and Angel looked at the young man. Slowly he met the gaze of every one of them.  
  
"In my life I've made a lot of stupid mistakes, some that could have been avoided and some of my own making as well as many I couldn't have stopped. I have to make amends and I have to help you. I know how much you have suffered Faith- as much as any of us have but you should never have had to go it alone." He reached over and caressed her cheek, "No-one ever should Faith, and from now on no-one will."   
  
The other three watched as she pushed her cheek into his palm and them moved away, his hand dropping down back to his lap. Cordelia was the first to speak up after a long few minutes.  
  
"Xander, you realise that everyone back in Sunnydale will be against this. Not one of them will be willing to help you especially after what happened over the last week. Buffy will already have told them what is going on maybe even turning them against you. She's vindictive enough against Faith as it is she will use it against you."  
  
"I know Cordy, I know. But I hope that Willow and Giles will give me the benefit of the doubt about this." He rubbed his hands down his face and closed his eyes. "No matter what they think, Faith will stay with me and I will help her and god help any of them that get in my way."  
  
Again silence rolled across them as they took in Xander's words, they knew he meant them and would fight for her. Angel spoke up asking a question many of them want to know.  
  
"Xander, what do you mean stupid mistakes."  
  
Xander took a deep breath and began.  
  
"Over the last few years since we started out fighting I've done things that needed doing sometimes I was wrong sometimes I was right, and sometimes I hurt people through my actions. Things I have always wished I could have changed."  
  
"Like what?" Asked Wesley, "Xander I came into this late in the game I would like to know what is haunting you. Like us sometimes YOU need to get things off your chest. Let us help you."  
  
"Thanks Wes, these Guys already know many of them, I'm going to tell you all things that none of you know about and I'd like none of you to tell the gang back in SunnyD Ok."  
  
Each nodded their assent and so he began, he turned to each of them as their turn came up, he started with Faith once again. He knew that she blamed herself for much that she had done to him.  
  
"Faith, when you first appeared to us in Sunnydale we should have done more to help you. I've always hated that I have never been able to help you the way you needed, I should never have spent that night with you. I should have held back."  
  
Xander quietened him with a finger on his lips. "Xander it was never your fault, I shouldn't have allowed that to happen but I had wanted to do something with you since I met you. I made the mistake Xander I never realised at the time that you were trying to help me. I could have made Giles sleep with me if I had wanted Xander. You have nothing to be sorry for."  
  
"There's sometime else about that night that no one knows. I have told no one and you mustn't tell the others. I am trusting one of my deepest secrets to you all." Xander proceeded to inform the Angel gang on what had happened that night from the first meeting with Jack in the car park outside the Bronze, telling them all that happened in detail skipping the time with Faith. One by one each of them closed their eyes or sat back and listened to his story, Xander's own eyes closed but he never stopped talking until the end of the story.  
  
"Even the next morning, I knew I should have told them but something held me back stopped me from telling them anything that had happened. I knew that they had a right to know that something could come up and bite us on the ass but I didn't."  
  
"You were afraid of what they would say." Replied Angel, "that you would get told off for getting in the way of danger, and that maybe they would find out about the hospital as well."  
  
"That's why you were smiling that day, because you knew that you could do something to help the others without them knowing about it. You smart ass." Cordy Smiled at him. "There are truly hidden depths to you Harris."  
  
"Same as you Cordy only takes a little to bring them out." The two friends smiled at each other and now knew that finally the old ghosts of the past had been buried.  
  
"But what's all this about the hospital though." Asked Wesley  
  
Angel answered for Xander this time. "About two years ago, Buffy came down with a serious bout of Flu. Angelus attacked her." His voice seized up and he cleared his throat to continue. "She was in a cemetery with Willow, Cordy and Xander when I attacked. Seconds from killing her Xander put a sack over my head and smashed his knee into my face, He was surprised that 'the boy' could hit him that hard. Buffy was taken to hospital soon afterwards. She was carried in by Xander himself."  
  
Xander took up at this point. "About a day or so later Angelus comes to the hospital, I had been keeping watch since she had been taken in. Much to the annoyance of my other half at the time." He indicated Cordy who just rolled her eyes and smiled. "I came face to face with Angelus, I faced him down. He could have killed me and I think he was surprised that I could face him like that."  
  
"He was scared." Spoke up Angel. "Scared that Xander could do what he said, "Angelus was all about surviving and Xander could have taken that life away from him. Xander said one day he would be there when Angelus died. He was right, Xander came after Buffy when Acathla was about to be released. He was there when Angelus was sent to hell."  
  
"That's what the two of you have been hiding all this time." Exclaimed Cordy, "I never knew that you had hidden depths this far Xander. I'm sorry I ever doubted you."  
  
Xander's head lowered at this sudden praise from them all but faith realised that something was wrong. Usually any praise to the young man would be snapped up and paraded like a medal, Xander was trying not to think of any of the praise. Almost as if he believed all that he had done was worth nothing, she knew of his undercover with the swim team and that he had forced Angel to get Buffy up from the Master's lair along with many others like his commanding of the Graduation Army.  
  
"Xander." She whispered, "What's up."  
  
"I don't deserve this, I made too many stupid mistakes. I shouldn't be getting congratulated like this. I..."  
  
"You what...  
  
"I LIED." He shouted.  
  
The others stopped talking and looked at him.  
  
"I hurt people everyone and anyone I care about. I have never done anything that has not hurt one of my friends. First of all I hurt Cordelia I broke her heart and almost killed her because of my stupidity, in that same stroke I almost destroy Oz and Willow's relationship because of my idiotic mistakes. So I lose a woman I love and two of my best friends in the same go."  
  
Taking a breath Xander continued  
  
"Remember the Valentines Day incident. I hurt Giles and Amy that day by making mistakes that could have hurt them both. A man like my father and a long term friend. Worse still I lost Giles' respect that day that hurt more than anything before or since that day." By now Xander was crying his chest heaving and his speech erractic and broken.  
  
"Last of all is something I have hated myself for for so long ever since the day of Acathla. Angel- I knew we were going to try the spell again to try and bring you back, to attach your soul, and I lied I lied to Buffy about it and you were cast into hell. I'm sorry Angel for all I did."  
  
They were all speechless at this, the knowledge that he had done what he had done now weighed heavily on all of them. They realised that the guilt of so many actions on his part had almost crippled the young man. The weight of the world may have been on the shoulders of the slayer but the weight of the slayer and her friends lay squarely on the shoulders of one Alexander Harris. Angel stood and lay his hand on Xander's shoulder.  
  
"I understand Xander, I may not like what you did and neither will the others when they find out but I know why you did it. You had to save us all and told her a lie to save us."  
  
"That's not just it Angel. That was part of it hell I tell that to myself to make me believe it. But it's bollocks." He slapped that vampire's hand from his shoulder. "I did it because I was jealous. I wanted rid of you. I hated you because you had the woman I loved."  
  
With that he jumped out of his chair and ran out the door, the rest stood there wondering where this would all go. Faith looked out the door hoping somehow he would come back she needed him and had a feeling that he would need her too.  
  
She also knew something else  
  
She loved him with all her heart. 


	3. Chapter 2

Pain and Consequences  
Author: Silent Bob Foley  
E-mail: BobRgnt@netscape.com  
Rating: Don't know the American rating so equivalent of a 15 certificate in England  
Summary: After the body swapping episode What would have happened if Xander had gone after Faith in LA Instead of Buffy, well now we will see. B/X angst F/X friendship. Anya/X Relationship  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the BTVS Characters, Joss Whedon does   
Distribution: BBTZ, Slayerette and anyone else who wants it  
Feedback: Hell Yeah  
Spoilers: Body Swap episode.  
British Words and Spelling  
Dedicated: To Joanne and Mike and the rest of the British Bxers.  
  
  
Authors Note: The idea of the curse as explained by Giles is not my idea, the idea came from a fic I read about three to four years ago. If that person wishes to be acknowledged then please contact me.  
  
Giles Residence  
Same Time  
  
Buffy slammed the door to Giles house as she walked in, looking up she could see most of the scooby gang had already assembled in the house. Willow and Riley were in discussion while Spike and Anya were both up to their own devices, lastly Giles stood in his kitchen making a cup of tea. All of them looked up as she flopped into a seat, Giles stepped out of the kitchen into the main room Buffy walked into the center and flopped onto the sofa. Riley sat next to her while Willow sat on the arm on the other side.  
  
"What happened? Asked Riley.  
  
"That little slut." Exclaimed Buffy, "She, she, ohhhh."   
  
"Well she's not happy." Said Spike  
  
"What gave it away." Said Riley rhetorically   
  
The rest knew they weren't going to get much out of her until she had calmed down, Giles handed her a cup of tea and she drank it slowly. It was enough to steady her nerves and calm her down. Once finished so put the mug on the table and smiled a thank you to Giles whom smiled and nodded his affirmation of his charge's thanks.  
  
Buffy tilted her head down and took a few deep breaths, she couldn't believe that two of the people she thought she could most count on would turn on her and for Faith of all people. She had tried to kill them both at different times, and that remark about Angel and letting him live was one that was below the belt. She had every right to hate Faith and she would get that revenge if it took her a lifetime, she would have this out with Xander too- she would get him away from them all and out of their lives for good.  
  
"So what happened." Asked Willow.  
  
"Faith is what happened. I finally tracked her to Angel's offices in LA, when I finally got there I was going to sort her out once and for all."  
  
"But?"  
  
"Somehow she's got Angel and the others helping her, even... even Xander was they're protecting her. He got there sometime before I did and got in my face when I tried to get at her."  
  
"What?" Shrieked Anya, "My Xander, what the hell is he doing there."  
  
"Protecting Faith by all accounts." Murmured Giles to nobody in particular, he stepped back into the kitchen area far enough away to hear the conversation but far enough away as not to get too involved. He already knew about some of this and did not wish to get involved until Xander returned.  
  
"Yeah. Angel and Xander both warned me off of her, after all she did and they expect me to let it all wash away. Well the next time I see Xander I'm gonna do things that I never thought I would do."  
  
"Well get in line." Growled Anya.  
  
Riley stood up and moved over to Buffy, grasping her hand he tried to help her feel better. She leaned her head into his shoulder while his arm went across her shoulders, her Buffy the closeness she had with Xander had been replaced recently by Riley. Now she felt more than ever that she needed someone to help her and with the possible loss of her friend and sometime shoulder to cry on- Riley would be that person.  
  
"Buffy you yourself said that you believed that he was becoming a liability, and had been for over a year. That he was always likely to do something that would be dangerous. Now he has. Maybe it's just as well that he did this. It gets him out of the way and we don't have to look after him so much."  
  
Anya bristled at this casual dismissal of her boyfriend, her mood changing from anger and betrayal to annoyance and the wish to talk them down and rant at them for what they were saying. She looked to Willow to see her response and was horrified to see that she was agreeing with everything that Riley was saying. Looking into the kitchen she was relieved to see that Giles also seemed perturbed at the current topic of conversation, sensing her stare he looked back and with a look told her to stay behind and they would talk. Spike as usual was doing nothing except make faces and smart ass comments.  
  
"Why would he take her side so quickly, and with Angel too." Willow was a tad upset, "He should hate them both more than anyone, and now he's friends with both. Maybe he's got a reason though, that or they are under a spell of some kind."  
  
"The only reason he's got is to get another roll in the hey with Faith." Buffy snarled, "Well they are all welcome to each other, all of them, Anegl, Xander, Cordelia, Wesley and Faith all of them are traitors in kind. If I never see them again I'll be a happy person."  
  
"Well maybe then if so many wish to help her then maybe they could be right." Said Willow  
  
"Seems like the bloke has finally dumped you all and about time too he was wasting his time here. Even if he is a useless little git."  
  
"No I do not believe that, she is evil and I want her out of everyone's life. She murdered people and tried to kill so many people, she hunted us, she almost killed all of them and even tortured Wesley, and well they can stay there for all I care. They come back here and I'll make them leave."  
  
"I don't know Buffy, Xander doesn't always make great decisions but he must have done this for a reason. Maybe we should..."  
  
"NO, he will not be welcome here until, he gets rid of her even then I don't want him working with us again. He's wrong about this and he should be kept out whether he likes it or not." The betrayal in her voice was more than evident.   
  
Willow finally bowed to the pressure and now believed that Buffy was right about it, Riley looked smug and Spike was just a pain in the arse, Buffy still looked mad as hell and Anya was getting very riled at this dismissal of Xander. She was about ready to explode when she felt a strong hand on her shoulder. Looking up her simmering anger dissipated when she saw Giles there. Taking a very deep breath she let the anger slowly slide out and away and smiled up at Giles.  
  
Like many of the others that had come and gone within the Scooby Gang over the years, Anya Emerson had not had much of a family life or parents or much of anything. However in the eighteen months since she had become human again after over a thousand years as a demon she had two people that she could count on and those two had very much changed her life over that time. Her boyfriend Xander Harris had been one but Rupert Giles had very much been to other.   
  
When she had been lost about what to do and where to turn when she had come back after she had run away on Graduation Day, she had told Xander her feelings about her loss and she needed help. Help he could not give her, so in that case he had told her to talk to the only person he would trust enough.- Rupert Giles.  
  
He had looked after her whenever Xander hadn't been around or she needed advice about being human again. She had confided much with him, he had also been one of the few people not to sneer at her fear of rabbits (and in fact had admitted that he had an overwhelming fear of both Ducks and Squirrels.   
  
She had also realised especially recently that Xander and Giles were much alike and both thought highly of each other. They had a father and son style relationship that neither would give up if they had the choice. Rupert had been a friend and family member to all of them at different times, now she knew that the two of them may be all that stood between the friendship they all have and it's loss because of one person. She had to believe that Xander had a reason and that he would never do anything to hurt them if he could help it, He must have a reason but she knows it may not be so easy to get over.  
  
She trusted Xander with her life.  
  
She trusted Angel to do what's right.  
  
But she did not trust Faith one inch.  
  
"I think you need to get some rest Buffy, I think you should all return to your places of residence, try to sleep and try to calm down, To morrow you can inform us all of what transpired at Angel's offices." Giles said  
  
Buffy's brain was not fully in gear and she had only caught some of what had been said by Giles and most of what she heard she couldn't translate, so looked to Willow and replied the only way she could.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
Willow giggled and supplied the translation. "Go home, sleep and come in tomorrow to tell us what happened."  
  
"Oh"  
  
With that they all left, spike being thrown out bodily when he refused to leave until he's finished his blood and Weetabix. Once the gang had finally been dispersed Giles and Anya sat down on the couch both with cups of tea, Anya took a sip and then looked at Giles.  
  
"You really didn't agree with them did you Giles."  
  
"No I didn't Anya. Over the last year they had slowly been pushing him away from the fight as if he was unnecessary. With the burgeoning abilities of Willow in the arts of magic, your own abilities and knowledge of your long stint as a vengeance demon and my own skills have more or less pushed Xander out of the picture."  
  
"By your tone of voice this isn't the first time is it."  
  
" No, The same thing happened shortly after we met the Sisterhood of Jhe."  
  
"The Apocalypse demons?"  
  
"Yes. I guess you would know of them. The entire group, myself included I'm afraid to say tried to keep him out of it. We told him not to come in and help us against the opening of the hellmouth that night, I should have known that no power on earth would stop him from helping us in any way possible. "  
  
"I'm not surprised at that Giles, I know that out of the people that have worked helping everyone over the last few years that he was the only normal human amongst us. That should be something to be encouraged not abandoned because he could get hurt."  
  
"You have no idea how right you are Anya, now what I am about to tell you must not be repeated to anyone outside you, Xander and myself."  
  
Anya felt a little chilled at his words and in a completely serious tone of voice said three words. "What happened Giles?"  
  
"Two nights later Jack O'Toole a student, bully and gang leader at Sunnydale High School forced Xander into helping him, he was found to be an animated corpse resurrected after being shot by his uncle who had used black magic. He was in effect what contemporary fiction has termed a 'Zombie', Xander had recently acquired a car from his Uncle Rory this took place two days after we had asked Xander to not get involved in fights anymore." Giles paused took of his glasses and set them down. "Xander unfortunately got steamrolled into helping Jack with some kind of ritual wherein members of his 'Street Gang' were resurrected by black magic. It seems that soon afterwards Xander was involved in the breaking and entering of a small hardware shop in town, at this point he made his escape from Jack and his Zombie friends and goes to many of our members to get help stopping the gang. Unfortunately we were unable or in some cases unwilling to listen or help."   
  
Picking up his glasses and wiping them with a rag he put them back on. "That night was the opening of the hellmouth, we had no time and no patience to listen to him. I do not like to think of the way I treated him that day, the way we all did, as a friend he deserved more from us."  
  
"Go on Giles." She grasped his hand and helped him focus. "What happened that night."  
  
"Well at some point Xander found out that the Zombie Gang were attempting to build a bomb and put it under the school. 'Baking a cake' is the term Xander used, they were to put it directly in the centre of the foundations of the school. In the basement directly underneath where we were fighting to stop the hellmouth opening. Xander single-handedly removed the entire gang from existence." Giles' paternal pride was affable and Anya found her pride in her boyfriend higher than at any other time. However she also realised that Giles had not quite finished and was trying to figure out just how to say it.  
  
"Xander came into the school at the exact time of the opening, he made his way to the basement over coming the remaining gang members and finally came face to face with Mr O'Toole. The bomb was already ticking away at this point, now by all rights and purposes at this point Xander could have got away and left the bomb to go off, he could have saved himself. However it seems our young Mr Harris has an inherent bravery unsurpassed in this current generation. He stood over the bomb of a while and forced Mr O'Toole to disable the bomb with scant seconds to spare."  
  
"Oh my god." Whispered Anya  
  
"Xander saved the lives of his friends and the entire world that night. He could have been killed by the blast and so would we all, but he decided to stay and face down the Zombie. I remember that next day very well there was no note of smugness in his voice, no actual information that said what he had done."  
  
"No-one knew and he refused to tell anyone about it at all. I believe that Xander has a few secrets much like that one tucked away, he is as brave and dedicated as anyone I have ever met and his is without doubt one of the finest men I have ever witnessed grow into an adult."  
  
Anya just sat there and tried to absorb all that she had been told about Xander. She had thought that she had begun to get to really know him. But this? This had changed her entire outlook on him, she had known the wisecracking, funny caring young man she had got to know since the prom but she also knew that deep below the surface something was hidden, one did not go over a thousand years and not learn how to recognise the true depths of someone.  
  
She had known that the stuff that lurked in the depths of Xander's soul would either be part of the dark side of humanity. A side that would eventually consume and destroy him and many of those around him, or it would be something that existed many thousands of years ago- the ability to be a true hero and that side would keep him and those around him intact and alive. However she now realised that this part of his heart and soul was capable of doing both- he would go one way or another, she just hoped that when it was all over he would be able to forgive himself anything that he may do.  
  
The two of them sat in silence for a good long while, once Anya looked up to see silent tears in Giles' eyes. He took his glasses off and they dropped to the floor falling from nerveless fingers, Anya reached over and hugged her new mentor. She now know why Giles held such regard for Xander and that he hated how much he had hurt Xander that day.  
  
"How did you find out about that night."  
  
"Xander came around one say a few months ago, he asked a few question about demonology and also about that night. I asked a few other the young people here and they gave me some more information, in the end though it was an old friend of mine from the Watchers Council whom contacted me about a flare In the currents of fate centred around that night. Putting the whole thing together I confronted him a few weeks ago. Finally after much haranguing he explained the whole thing to me, the whole night beginning to end. Strangely there was no hurt or bitterness in his voice..  
  
"That explains a few things, but why not tell anyone Giles. If the others knew they may think differently about him."  
  
"I don't think so Anya, it is more likely that they would have wheeled him out and verbally destroyed what little confidence and self worth he has. The rest of the 'Scoobies' as he calls them would have had him removed from the fight for good, he was not willing to risk that- and they have never known. I just believe now that Xander is more to us here than the comic relief and errand boy, his friendship and other skills have kept us alive and sane and he will be needed more so now to help Faith with her rehabilitation."  
  
"Giles, why is he helping Faith, and what did Buffy mean 'another roll in the hay'"  
  
"It seems the night of the opening Xander and Faith partook in uhhh, Relations of the personal kind."  
  
Blunt as always "He slept with her."  
  
"Yes, however I do not believe that is the reason he is helping her out at this time. Xander may be bringing her back to Sunnydale with him, and although some of Xander's decisions have been mistakes of a very serious kind I believe this one may be beneficial to both Faith and himself. Something I have learnt more than anything about Mr Harris is that if his friends need him he is there for them, usually not letting whatever hurt they may have dealt before get in the way."  
  
"He does a lot for us all."  
  
"More than that Anya, it seems that the truly horrifying life he has had over the years, including his family life has softened him to others problems. I believe that Faith is to Xander himself in a form he can help it is my reckoning that the two of them may be able to save each other's souls. For I fear without it both could lose what little they have left."  
  
  
"It seems that for all his joking and comedic relief he is much more than we give him credit for. He is growing up faster than he should have and now he has as much weight on his shoulders as any slayer ever has. Maybe someday Buffy will see that." Anya Replied.  
  
"Lets hope that is soon I fear that the loss of Xander could irreparably harm the group dynamic, maybe to the extent that Buffy could be killed. I hope that Xander knows what he is doing or heaven help us all."   
  
  
Giles Residence  
Late that night  
  
Giles had been thinking much about his conversation with Anya that evening, he trusted Xander as much as any man he had ever known. The young man may have seemed to have been not much more than an occasional help and more often a hindrance, however with what little he really knew about Xander- he knew that he could trust the young man to do what is right by his friends. He is willing and able to fight for what he believes in even against the strength of the Slayer.   
  
He meant what he had said about hating that he had been one of those that kept Xander out of the fight all that time ago. At the time he had not been the only people that was normal to help them. Cordelia had been human and Oz couldn't use his abilities to help them at all, Xander may have been human but they owed him much, too much to casually dismiss him such as they seemed to be doing.  
  
However it seems that the rest of the group had not noticed the way he had given up much to stay with them over the years. Now he had given up more than he should ever have been asked to, and he had done so quite willingly when forced to choose between someone in need and those whom would seek to harm those under his care.   
  
No matter who they are.  
  
He picked up the notebook and pen next to his bed, then turning to a page he had been writing earlier that day- he started again. He still wrote his diaries in the hope that they would help later generations of slayers and their watchers,  
  
  
Diary of Rupert H Giles  
Former Field Watcher of Slayer Buffy Anne Summers  
  
Xander's personality does not mix well with many others as his life has shown, however something about him inspires courage and sometimes respect and loyalty. Each emotion he has in almost infinite amounts when it comes to his friends however it seems that those same friends may start to question that loyalty, Faith is a wild card her term as a vassal of evil seems to have come to an end since her body transfer with Buffy. Xander's calm and caring nature has come to the fore at this point in time, he is compassionate to Faith because I believe he senses a kinship to her. Both have been closer to the darkness than many I have met before, Alexander Harris has shown himself to be a valuable asset to any team that is created by himself and his friends.  
  
Recent changes in the lives of all of the young people in their self proclaimed 'Scooby Gang' named after a popular children's cartoon of the name Scooby Doo, in fact having been forced to watch the program I have noticed many similarities with the young people under my watch. Even as Xander once put 'our own Scooby' in the form of Daniel Osbourne- a werewolf and close ally and former member of the 'gang'.   
  
Getting back to topic, the forces that we have arrayed against the forces of darkness have begun to fragment over the last few weeks. The inclusion of Riley Finn and his influence over Buffy Summers and indeed Willow Rosenburg may be detrimental in holding together those few people we have left. Mr Finn an agent for The Initiative a United States Military forces research and development facility has been making serious inroads in the demon activity and it's implications may be that the young people here may get in over their heads. So that is one of the primary reaons why I have agreed for Alexander Harris to bring Slayer Faith Williams to Sunnydale where she can be watched and cared for by those willing to give her the chance.  
  
This may however be a problem for Buffy, she has a severe dislike for Faith and the reaction of Riley and herself may fragment the already broken sphere that the 'Scooby Gang' has become, I am hoping however that as Faith gradually takes hold of what little faculties she has left that she and Buffy will be able to work things out.   
  
Concurrent with the attempt to bring Faith back to the fold, I will talk to Mr Harris, I believe much like I myself before him he has the potential to help others and to be an asset to others. It is my intention to train Mr Alexander Harris as a field watcher assigned to Ms Williams, he has the willpower and the strength of mind to take the training. If he is willing I will train him, with luck and the will of the Gods of light I hope he will be. For Faith and Buffy's sake I think that this would be best.  
  
This may be quite difficult however with no access to any of the teaching materials or equipment of the Watcher Academy. However I also do not believe that that will be detrimental to his training as his own knowledge and dealings with the occult far outweigh anything the basic training of a watcher could accomplish. I however believe that the two curses that plague a watcher will not in fact effect Mr Harris as he will not be a watcher in the full sense.  
  
  
A voice behind him spoke up at this point, "What curses." Giles jumped and was relieved to see that it was only Anya who had fallen asleep on the sofa earlier that evening. She looked a little worn still but her happy demeanour was back and she looked better than she had after the rest of the gang had left.  
  
"Oh Anya, Well it seems about One thousand years ago a spell was put on the Watchers Council, for their advanced knowledge and powers they would be cursed. The first was to limit their senses to the extent that their eyesight would be dimmed. This is why many if not all Watchers require spectacles or other aids to see, the other was that if a family line of watchers was started then that line would forever be involved with the forces of the occult."  
  
"I see, That is why you have followed the tradition. You had no choice."  
  
"Yes however now that I have been removed from any position with circles of the Watchers no offspring of mine will have to be a Watcher."  
  
"But?"  
  
"But I still believe that Buffy and Faith need guidance from Watchers even if they do not believe they do. Now that Wesley will unlikely get involved with Faith again I will try to train Xander as a Field Watcher. His status will not be that of an active watcher and he will not go through many of the rituals and castings that anoint a watcher. Hence he will not be effected by the curses of the Council of Watchers."  
  
Anya shifted and stretched out a little to get the kinks out of her body, sighing she ended up yawning again. She apologised to Giles who waved off an apology. It was late and she had had a trying day.  
  
"Any idea when he'll be back?"  
  
"From the information he telephoned through to me this afternoon before he met with Angel and Faith sometime within the next week. He wishes to try and get Faith to completely trust him first and as we now know he seems to have done just that."  
  
"I hope he's okay, there a lot of things he's hiding from us all I just hope that they don't boil over and harm him. I don't think I could live with myself if I lost him, he means too much to me."  
  
"I believe he will, if there is one thing Xander is, is that he is a survivor and good friend of the highest calibre to each person in his life. It may be very difficult as this goes on but I believe that he will make things work for himself and for Faith but for now we just have to wait and see."  
  
The two of them sat in silence for a good long time that night, contemplating the history of the scooby gang, what may happen in the future to them all, the consequences of those actions and how many of them would be left standing at the end of it all. 


	4. Chapter 3

Pain and Consequences Author: Silent Bob Foley E-mail: BobRgnt@netscape.com Rating: Don't know the American rating so equivalent of a 15 certificate in England Summary: After the body swapping episode What would have happened if Xander had gone after Faith in LA Instead of Buffy, well now we will see. B/X angst F/X friendship. Disclaimer: I don't own any of the BTVS Characters, Joss Whedon does Distribution: BBTZ, Slayerette and anyone else who wants it Feedback: Hell Yeah Spoilers: Body Swap episode. British Words and Spelling  
  
Angel Investigations Bottom Floor Several hours later  
  
"Where could he have gone." Asked Faith.  
  
It had been the first words said be her since Xander had run off that evening, they had decided not to go and look for him. The pure emotion of the encounter had flattened those whom he had left behind, Cordelia had burst into tears soon afterwards. While Faith hadn't been much better she had kept the tears back until they had got back to the offices  
  
There had been no sign of Xander for almost six hours- not really long enough to seriously worry but long enough for Faith to become agitated. His words had hit deep none of them had really known any of what the young man had been through in his life and when the truth about some of the things he had done had come out- none of them could really say they would see him the same way again.  
  
He had known that Xander had had something to do with the spellcasting to return his soul, but had never realised exactly what had happened that day. Xander was truly a loyal and good person but the knowledge that he had deliberately lied to remove a hindrance from his life was an incredible burden to them all. Knowing that Xander had lived with it for almost two years was no comfort at all, Angel did not hate or even dislike Xander for what he did, he knows some of what Xander did was necessary to save the world- but also knew that deep in an unwanted part of the human psyche was the ability for as much evil as any demon.  
  
And Xander had used that ability, and had hated himself more than anyone could have imagined. They had to talk and soon, the young man had to know that none of them felt any ill will towards him whatsoever.  
  
"I don't know" Angel replied, " There are not many places he could have gone, but I'm not worried too much. He can take care of himself no matter what many others think, he'll be fine. The vampires and demons in this town are not quite as powerful as those in Sunnydale. The arcane power of the Hellmouth doesn't permeate this area."  
  
"I'm worried about him, I've never seen him act like that and I've known him over fifteen years." Whispered Cordelia.  
  
Wesley took a seat next to Cordelia and put a comforting arm around her shoulders, she leaned on his shoulder and just stared at the floor with an almost blank and glazed look on her face. Wesley just sat there and rubbed her arm slowly, Faith looked up next to her on the bed looking to Angel's face he looked back to her- both were unsure of what was going to happen now especially in light of the confession of Xander. Sitting on the bed she was covered in a warm winter blanket, she sidled away a little and then he leaned her head on his knees and he brushed her hear like a father to his daughter.  
  
They say there not talking and in deep thought for a while longer almost to daybreak, none were able to sleep and even the usual hunger or thirst that any of them may have at any time were gone. Even Angelus was quiet as if he knew that this was a solemn occasion that not even he should disturb.  
  
"Is this a private funeral or can anyone join."  
  
The voice came from the stairs, all four looked up Cordelia and Faith bolting upright. There on the third from bottom step sat a tired and dishevelled Xander harris, his hair stuck up in all directions his Clothes were covered in grime and ashes and there was very dark circles under his eyes. Dried tear streaks cut through the dirt and grime on his face, lastly a stake dangled loosely from on hand, dried blood stained his clothes and arm.  
  
"My God." Whispered Wesley.  
  
Faith shot up and ran to Xander as fast as her slayer speed could carry her, she flung her arms around his neck and pulled him close sobbing into his neck. Seconds later a second pair of arms encircled him and another feminine sob came to his ears, Cordelia was also these. The three of them held on to each other tightly and refused to let go, Wesley and Angel stepped into the other room and let the three of them finish their sorrow alone. God knows that they would all need it and it would best be now when they could.  
  
A good half-hour later sunrise beckoned, the three sobbing youngsters finished their teary embrace and the two young women pulled Xander into the main area. Divesting him of his jacket and shirt they found the source of the blood, a deep cut on his bicep had bled down his arm and stained deeply into the shirt and skin. The women using a soft cloth and warm water carefully removed the caked dirt around his fingers and on his face. The two other men had removed themselves from the area and were waiting in the far corner of the bedroom for them to finish.  
  
Xander was unresponsive as they tended to him, all thoughts that this man was anything but a friend in need of help were washed away as he was cleaned and cared for. As Cordelia's hand went to his silver cross ready to remove it, his hand clamped around hers he looked up at her and she saw the look in his eyes.  
  
"Ok Xand I'll leave it." "Thank you." Barely a whisper  
  
They finally finished tending to Xander, and little trouble got him sitting on the edge of the bed. Wesley and Angel took this as a sigh that they should approach once more, looking at the Young man they could see the pure loathing and pain that was now raging through him. Xander clearly hated the knowledge that he could do so much to hurt people- knowledge that he could be as evil and terrifying as any demon they had ever encountered.  
  
"What happened." Asked Angel quietly.  
  
As he spoke Xander's voice seemed to have a scratchy sound, a sound of either a voice unused for a long time or that of someone she had screamed until his soul had collapsed. He had all too much experience in that type of screaming in his unlife, he hoped he would never really know someone that would have to use that scream.  
  
"When I ran I just kept going, I must have run almost two miles through the back streets of LA before I stopped. I collapsed to my knees and, well I don't remember much of the next few hours but I remember getting up from the road and coming face to face with a pair of vamps." He rubbed his face with his hands almost surprised not to have any dirt on him. "I staked em both- only a few seconds later. I don't know how or why I just moved and staked em. Well a few others saw me do it and before I know it four more are on me, I got three more before the last one got me in the arm."  
  
He looked up for the first time and looked directly at Angel. "I lost my stake and was thrown into a mud puddle. The vamps I killed must have been part of a gang cos more and more surrounded me."  
  
"How did you get away?" Asked Wesley  
  
"I don't really know. I remember several of the vamps dusting, it seemed at the time that they were spontaneously combusting." Cordelia looked at him strangely he actually gave a faint smile as he guessed her amazement.  
  
"X files episode." He said quietly to her, she giggled and smiled back.  
  
"Then I see a car with a few guys in it arrive and they kill most of the Vamps. They pull me up and out of the way, a black kid with a shaved head comes up to me and says that I should get out quickly. I nodded my head and left quietly, they knew what they were fighting and I hope they are okay. So watch out Angel they are not people to mess with."  
  
"Are you okay though Xander. You ran off awfully quickly, you didn't have to you know."  
  
Xander looked directly at Wesley who had to use all his willpower not to recoil back a hell of a lot. The innocence and happiness that had always lurked behind the eyes of the young man before him were gone in their place two almost stone like eyes. Nothing of his soul and feelings were noticeable in his eyes, almost as if there was nothing let there anymore- the person whom he had been and that he would become were two totally different and not wholly agreeable people.  
  
Faith whom had been quite this entire time also looked scared at the look in her newly refound friend. She noticed much of what had made Xander the way he was, was now long gone and unless she they could help him they would never have the old one back.  
  
Inside Xander's mind was much different, he had gone there to help them bring Faith back to the fold and maybe even back to being a Slayer again. But everything he had tried to do all his good intentions are already paving his own personal road to hell, Faith needed him to help her through the personal pains and horrors she was going through and here he was blubbering like a little kid letting everyone else pick up the pieces while he just sat here.  
  
However even with the wish to get up and do something his mind, body and what was left of his soul just couldn't move. Had no energy no feeling at all. Like he was nothing but an empty shell waiting to be refilled. So much had happened that day, he knew it was unlikely that he would ever be welcome back in Sunnydale- Buffy's one sided story would likely influence many if not all of the gang back there. Once he was well it was also unlikely that he would be welcome here in LA either, Angel and his crew would ask him to leave, and what use would he be to Faith to help her back to the fold.  
  
Fool He shouted mentally You're the useless one remember, what the hell use would you be to anyone.  
  
Faith heard Xander whisper something as he lay his head down on the bed, she could see him giving into the slumber he so desperately was in need of. To heal his body mind and soul he would need rest and comfort, they both would. She could only make out one word of his speech and that made little sense to her, at least they had something to concentrate their own efforts on except for her.  
  
At least none of them had asked her or him to leave at any time, even Wesley had come to terms that all she wanted to do was get better and now to help Xander. She still needed her own type of help and hoped that she could get the help she needed from Xander the same time she would be helping him- a kind of mutual rebuilding of their lives.  
  
"What did he say?" questioned Wesley  
  
"I don't know." She replied, "I only got one word, I don't get it though."  
  
"What was it." Said Cordelia afraid she knew what it was.  
  
"Zeppo?"  
  
Cordelia stifled a sob she couldn't hold it and hand covering her mouth she started a veritable waterfall down her face. Before she could fall over backwards Angel caught her and sat her down, she grasped Angel and held on tight. He in return held her back until her waterworks stopped. Faith sat down on the floor next to Cordelia's legs and they waited until Cordelia decided to tell them what it was all about.  
  
"A while ago about the time of the hellmouth opening that you guys stopped, I still really hated Xander for what he had done to me. I insulted him seriously that week and ended up calling him a Zeppo, unneeded and useless. I never realised that that had really cut in so deep."  
  
"He had hurt you seriously Cordy, you had every right to want to hate him."  
  
"I know but it doesn't make me feel any better. I knew the depths of his self-hatred and just used it against him, I've forgiven him for what he did but I doubt he'll ever forgive me for what I did to him"  
  
"I know the feeling, I tried to kill him remember. I suppose that I should be thankful for what he's done for me this time. I don't deserve it."  
  
"Everyone deserves a second chance Faith, everyone of us has had that chance." Said Wesley, "Who are we to say differently."  
  
"Thank you Wesley, that means a lot to me."  
  
"The thing now is what do we do with Xander, he's lost a lot in the last few days. I know he wants to go back to Sunnydale but I don't think we should send him back until he regains some semblance of normalcy."  
  
"We keep him here?" asked Cordelia.  
  
"Yes." Replied Angel for the first time, "He stays here, he needs help and if I'm right Sunnydale is the last place he wants to be right now. Buffy went off the deep end when we stood her down and it's more than likely she has already turned the rest to her side."  
  
"Maybe not all, what about Giles and maybe his new girlfriend?" asked Faith  
  
"Anya?"  
  
"I think it might be that the two of them are not so under Buffy's thrall as to leave him out in the cold."  
  
"I'll contact them tomorrow morning I think it's likely they will want to know what happened here- not just Buffy's version. For now we let him sleep and wait until tomorrow. Cordelia could you take Faith home with you."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"No" two voices said at once.  
  
"Faith there is nothing you can do for him tonight go with Cordelia, please get some rest it's been a long day for both you and Xander." Wesley said quietly but firmly, looking up Faith saw Angel nodding his agreement.  
  
"But we can't leave him alone, he needs us."  
  
"We won't leave him alone, Wesley and I will still be here. You are dead on your feet please do as we ask Faith and leave. We'll see you in the morning."  
  
"Come on Faith, Let's go. I'll introduce you to Dennis."  
  
"Ok I'll go but I'll be back as soon as it's dawn or as close as I can to it." She walked over to Angel and surprising all hugged him. "Please look after him Angel, I need him."  
  
"I promise, He'll be okay. We won't let him get hurt in any way."  
  
With that Faith reluctantly left the confines of the basement apartment, Cordelia walked behind her watching to make sure faith would be okay. Once the girls had left Angel and Wesley sat down, both looked at each other with concentration. They knew that to help the fallen Slayer and Fallen knight would take a long time and they would need help.  
  
"Giles?" Both said simultaneously.  
  
Sunnydale CA Seconds later.  
  
Anya and Giles were talking, both trying to sort out where they stood and what they could do to help, several cups of tea had been drunk and as any tea drinker knows it can have a very laxative like effect on the human digestive system.  
  
"Excuse me Giles, back in a moment."  
  
Giles' smile and shake of head construed his not inconsiderable amusement at her words. *Toilet humour is a staple of British comedy* his eyes widened *Please tell me I did not just think TOILET HUMOUR.* He pulled his glasses of and massaged the bridge of his nose, *Too much time around these teenagers*. Next to his arm the phone began to ring and he picked it up.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Giles?"  
  
"Angel, good to hear from you. How goes things in LA."  
  
"Not good Giles both Faith and Xander have had rough days, I suggest tht w keep them here for a few days. Let them get accostomed to normal life if possible. They need each other and the rest of us to help them." Behind Giles Anya came out of the bathroom and over to Giles, sitting in the chair next to him. She had heard Giles' conversation and was nodding her agreement, however her eyes snapped up at his next sentence.  
  
"I'm sending Anya to you maybe she can help them both."  
  
"How?" replied the voices of Angel and Anya simultaneously  
  
Giles shifted the phone to the other ear as he got comfortable, "Anya's current relationship with Xander will be of help to his recovery and her own changes from the side of darkness to one of our own of the side of light will help Faith tremendously. I believe she will be most helpful to you all."  
  
"Ok Giles send her down we'll sort something out for her."  
  
"She'll be down tomorrow morning." Giles trailed off as he heard his front door slam, a flash of brownish blond hair skimmed past his window. Anya had set off quickly. He turned his attention to the phone. "Make that a few hours Angel, keep an eye on her too. Cordelia would be good to look after her maybe the two of them could control Faith a little."  
  
"Very well Giles. Keep an eye on the others. Buffy may become something of a loose cannon."  
  
"I agree. Good luck Angel."  
  
"And you."  
  
The two phones hit the cradles concurrently, on both ends two men- one vampire and one watcher wondered how they could sort out the mess that their friends had instigated and could they untangle the web of tension and pain that the scooby gang had descended into.  
  
"May the gods help us all." For he believed no one else may be able.  
  
Diary of Rupert H Giles Former Field Watcher of Slayer Buffy Anne Summers Things have come to a head now as I have feared for many months, the forces that we have slowly managed to array against the fight have totally fallen apart. In Xander Harris' protection of rogue slayer Faith Williams he has been totally removed from the fight in the eyes of the remaining members. In an attempt to pull at least part of our forces together I have sent Anya Emerson Xander's current Girlfriend to Los Angeles in an attempt to placate both Xander and Faith.  
  
The misguided belief of Miss Summers, Miss Rosenburg and the highly annoying Mr Finn that Xander is useless in a fight has driven both Xander and Miss Emerson away from the group. Even as I have my own belief that I should stay to help the last members of out forces, I am rapidly rethinking this and I may be forced to leave Sunnydale and return to England or in a more likely scenario a move to Los Angeles may be on the cards.  
  
Currently in LA we have a large group of allies already in place. The Vampire Angel who is already mentioned in these diaries, Cordelia Chase who has been bequeathed with visions sent by an outside mystical force and former Watcher Wesley Wyndham-Pryce. If they decide to remain there then Mr Harris, Miss Williams and Miss Emerson will also join their group. I really do not know whether or not to stay but if this goes on that much longer I may have no choice.  
  
I believe that the entirety of our allied forces may be rent asunder and if so we may all be doomed, it's just a matter of time and place.  
  
"Damn." Is all that Giles could say. 


	5. Chapter 4

Pain and Consequences Author: Silent Bob Foley E-mail: BobRgnt@netscape.com Rating: Don't know the American rating so equivalent of a 15 certificate in England Summary: After the body swapping episode What would have happened if Xander had gone after Faith in LA Instead of Buffy, well now we will see. B/X angst F/X friendship. I doubt this will be a BX relationship the angst will be the BX of this piece and the loss of Xander to her psyche is likely I'm still figuring that bit out. Disclaimer: I don't own any of the BTVS Characters, Joss Whedon does Distribution: BBTZ, Slayerette and anyone else who wants it Feedback: Hell Yeah Spoilers: Body Swap episode. British Words and Spelling  
  
Dedication: To those guys at home at uni or anywhere else that I personally know that may be reading this- I know who you are. 'specially you Stu or you Kim. ;)  
  
Authors note: Serious British pride ahead. I know the brits on the list will get a kick out of this.  
  
Buffy and Willow's Dorm Room 1am  
  
It had passed midnight in Sunnydale- the first of the two currant slayers Buffy Summers was finding it hard to sleep and harder to stop thinking about her showdown with her best friend. She felt bad about how it had gone but vindicated wit the belief that she was right and that Faith should be put down forever.  
  
For the moment she sat awake her eyes fixed on the ceiling above her bed, her arms wrapped around an old stuffed pig- Mr Gordo, turning over she looked over at her friend who's face now looked directly at the slayer.  
  
"So you still awake Will?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm still thinking about Xander."  
  
"Same here, I can't believe he left us in the lurch."  
  
"Are you sure about what he's doing Buffy, for Faith of all people I find it hard to believe. I mean he needs us just to get by, he wouldn't leave us lie that. We may not always need him really he still gets in the way, but he needs us still he can't get along without us."  
  
"I know but he's left us now. He's never done that before."  
  
"Maybe we don't know him as well as we though we did."  
  
"Well if he comes back here I'm gonna kick his ass back to LA."  
  
"But he still has a right to come back here Buffy. It is his home."  
  
Buffy thought about that for a second, Willow was right Sunnydale had been Xander's home all his life and a lot longer than hers. But at the moment she didn't care at all, she puts her life on the line constantly to save the people of this town and just doesn't care for those who get in her way or abandon her. Xander was one of them now and she would not pull her punches if they came face to face, the same went for any of the people in LA. Not one of them had any reason to return to Sunnydale and she would make sure they would not.  
  
"Do you still love him Will."  
  
Even in the dark she could see Willow blushing, her face almost redder than her hair. She calmed down a little and she went back to her fair complexion. Looking to Buffy she nodded her head.  
  
"I think so, I've known him forever Buffy, I don't love him like I thought I did- that disappeared after the fluke but I still love him. He's the only real long time friend I had, Jesse was another but we kinda grew apart then he died. You took his place but Xander's been here for my whole life."  
  
"I understand Wills I do but I don't think I can care anymore, he betrayed me for that slut probably so he can get another roll from her, any one of them comes back here I'll do things I would only do to demons. As far as I'm concerned they are all traitors and will be treated that way."  
  
"Buffy."  
  
"I won't let anyone else abandon us or hurt us again Willow anyone tries and I'll do some serious damage to them."  
  
"Good." Replied Willow hesitantly, not too happy at losing the last link to her before slaying life, she still loved Xander as much as she ever had but couldn't forgive him for what he was doing but also could not let him go in any way,  
  
"Maybe one day they will see their mistake and come running back, and on that day I'll be the one choosing what goes on here."  
  
With that they fell asleep not realising the true implications of what they were saying.  
  
So for the whole night and for many nights after the dreams of the slayer and the wicca would be filled with the memories of what had happened and in some cases what was to come. They saw much of the lives they had led but for both would see flashes of things they had never witnesses, things that only lived in the heart of one Xander Harris.  
  
Two Weeks Later The Home of Rupert Giles 12pm  
  
Giles stood In his kitchen contemplating one of the truly strange phenomena that seem to plague human kind, one of only two that seemed not to have a real answer- the first being does the light go off when you close the fridge door this one was another.  
  
Does a watched kettle never boil? Shaking his head Giles finally realised that yes he was that bored, he had not talked to anyone face to face for several days and was quite bored. Going through what could only be described, as 'Old Wives Tales' were what he had been reduced to while he was waiting for some results. Unfortunately those same things had arrived that morning.  
  
But still he had little to do at all.  
  
"Giles?"  
  
*Thank god*  
  
"I'm in the Kitchen Willow."  
  
"Hey Giles."  
  
"Good Morning Willow, it's nice to see you. " He trailed off. "My word Willow you look terrible is all alright."  
  
The Red headed wiccan looked wane and tired, her normally bright demeanour and perky attitude was missing from her face. Her normally vibrant read hear and healthy colour looked pale and ll. In all she look like death warmed up and in Sunnydale that is not just an Expression.  
  
"I haven't slept well recently, I'll be okay soon."  
  
"If you are sure."  
  
"I am, I've just been to talk to Anya and checking her apartment she's gone, so I checked Xander's place. Both are totally empty, what's happened do you know where they both went."  
  
"Sit down Willow, I'll tell you what I can. Xander and Anya have left Sunnydale for the moment, they are helping Faith in LA. She needs as much help as anyone does. I know you and Buffy don't want Faith to get help but the rest of us believe she is worth helping."  
  
"They've left us, what ehere are they, do you know how to get hold of them. How's Xander, is he Ok."  
  
"Willow calm down, he's fine. He's in LA staying with Wesley for the moment. He needed to get away for a while. He's also staying to help Faith with her recuperation  
  
Willow took a deep breath to calm down. "I'm glad he's okay. I've had a little time to think about that Giles. I still believe we should get rid of her completely what if she snaps again what happens to all those around her Giles. Xander has made a serious mistake here and anyone who joins him is a traitor to our side of this fight, I love him as much as anyone ever did but I can't side with him on this. He's made a mistake and split our group apart. All that left is the three of us and whoever the Initiative have."  
  
"I don't trust the Initiative at all Willow and I don't think that Xander and the others have left us on our own we have them if we need them and we will do. No matter how much Buffy and that Idiot Riley believe that we won't, the American army has no idea what we're doing here and how we do it."  
  
"The American Army doesn't know, your saying others do."  
  
"Of Course the British army is taught much about demons and vampires, why do you think the Council is based in England it's the only Human haven on the planet mainly because the council works with the Armed forces to remove all supernatural activity from British soil."  
  
"Well that makes a little more sense now, I assume that that only happened once the watchers had been created and finally set up into the council."  
  
"Yes, once the council had been set up, my predecessor Robert William Giles along with many other watchers approached the King- at this time Henry the Fifth of Great Britain."  
  
Giles went on to tell Willow several things about the haven of the British Isles, the King had seen men of his ranks killed at encampments and later the next night rise from death, others on the French side had seen the same. When reports of such behaviour in England had reached his ears he had requested his librarian and archive staff to research this. Once the council had been alerted to his Royal Highness' questions they had approached him through one of his cousins whom had been inducted as a Watcher himself.  
  
The King had not immediately dismissed the claims as several of his lords had and had asked for a demonstration, so Annabelle Johnsson of the Netherlands had been introduced as the slayer of her generation, the tall lithe sixteen year old caught and brought a vampire into the courtyard of the King's residence and after a slight scuffle had staked the vampire. With this proof the king had decreed the council along with his armed forces and all forces from then on to have whatever they would need to fight this evil and rid the Isles of these abominations.  
  
With the King's decree the council was funded and equipped, and they in turn trained many units to fight the demons infesting the great island. Within ten years their mission had been successful and England had become a haven. For years after wards as the empire had grown more areas of the world had been cleared fully, India, Australia, several Mediterranean countries and much of America had been cleared of Vampire and demon infestation, only demons that allied themselves with the council or were of no harm were left alone.  
  
But even golden ages came to an end- and unfortunately another one, A demon one had come to replace it.  
  
"However we do still require the rest of our allies to keep this Hellmouth under control and will do for along time to come, no matter how much power you and Buffy have."  
  
"Buffy won't like it Giles But I agree with you, much as I hate it we need them all."  
  
"I'm glad you see that Willow, Buffy can often be headstrong when she believes she is in the right and those times she is wrong she refuses to acknowledge it."  
  
"I know but I can't help thinking things are spiralling out of control now, Xander's gone Buffy's getting a little more reckless and Riley isn't helping much. I agree I don't trust the initiative either but we need them at the moment or we'll get swamped.  
  
"There is not much more we can do."  
  
"I know but I wish we could."  
  
Willow stood up and left the house leaving Giles to ponder what he could possibly do to rectify the situation or if he was making the right choices and the consequences of each of those choices. He moved back to his chair and picked up the folder from the side table. On the Cover was written City Real Estate and inside sat several three bedroom apartments in the centre of LA. Giles had made up his mind for the final time. He was leaving and joining the rest in LA, much as he loved Buffy and Willow their selfishness and self-righteous attitudes had rankled him so much that he was finding it difficult to stay around Sunnydale.  
  
Even with Willow's slight change of heart and the chance she may totally change her mind could stop the domino like effect the actions of the two had put on everyone, she seemed really to be regretting what was happening but had lost the battle when she took Buffy's side without even trying to hear Xander's side  
  
They had pushed both Xander and himself out of the loop several times, not realising exactly what they were doing. Both believed the young Mr Harris had little use- they obviously did not know the young man as well as they thought they did. He had rarely met such self sacrificing and intelligent young man as Xander had appeared to be, that self sacrifice had more than shown the way he was and the mindset that he held.  
  
That was why Giles had kept Xander in the fight and also why he had pushed Xander out of the Hellmouth opening, his penchant for that sort of action would have killed him. However Xander had still managed to hold himself up high and stopped an action that could have doomed the world, as well as himself.  
  
Giles knew he would be in better sorts and would be more use with the others in LA, he had no real reason to stay anymore, his watcher duties were removed and much like Xander had been left more and more out of the loop when it came to the fight.  
  
So now he was leaving and as soon as he could he would be gone, however he knew he would need help to move and the only people he could get were the people he would be working with- with any luck he could get them here and out again before Willow and Buffy and that highly annoying Mr Finn could find what was happening here. Xander and Wesley would be turning up in a few days to take the first few shipments of things to his new apartment he had bought earlier that morning, that was the reason he was getting rid of the folder so the girls would not find out what's going on.  
  
He may be feeling a little guilty but his dedication to the fight and the promises he made to himself and the others as a man and as a Watcher meant he had to keep fighting and Buffy and Willow were detrimental to his fight. He believed in the cause even after his way of fighting was removed from him by the council and those that would condemn him for his actions, even know he believed that he had been right and that he couldn't have let any of them get hurt because of an archaic ritual that had no place in the modern world of the slayers.  
  
But Buffy and Willow had changed his belief, changed it so that he no longer felt right or safe in Sunnydale- they were powerful and could take care of themselves, so he would leave because he had to.  
  
In all he knew he had to go, and he knew he had somewhere to go.  
  
Wesley's House Same day A few hours earlier  
  
"Xander you decent?"  
  
"Come on in Wes I'm dressed." Wesley had taken Xander in and given the front room as a place to stay, putting up a curtain rail they managed to give Xander a bit of privacy when he needed it. Wesley had gotten on well with the young man, both had been left out of their group originally but had found they were at home with Angel Investigations.  
  
Xander had found a job at a construction firm in LA, he now had a good wage packet and a place to stay. Faith and Anya both stayed with Cordelia for the moment and both had also found jobs, apart from their day jobs each of them also worked with Angel and the rest patrolling and investigating what they could. Xander had become Faith's de-facto watcher once again this time working with Angel and Wesley to train her up to standard.  
  
"I got a phone call from Giles this morning, he has his new apartment sorted and needs us to help him move out."  
  
"Who else knows he's coming here?"  
  
"No-one, once he gets to LA we'll let the others know, but that's about it."  
  
Xander realised that Buffy and Willow would be left very much alone except for White Bread Riley, he didn't hate the guy per say but he as much as anyone believed that Xander was no use in the fight even though he had fought had and long against anything that they could name. How many people had faced down the scourge of Europe and survived, who out of them had faced down over a ticking bomb. He was far from useless and the whole of Angel's gang as well as Anya and Faith had realised what he was capable of.  
  
"When?"  
  
"Tomorrow we get the first shipment of his belongings then two more trips should do it. He says that Buffy and Willow will be away for the weekend so we can do it then."  
  
"Good, Giles deserves to at least be with people who respect who he is and what he does around here. Still maybe we should let the girls know where he is. Much as it sickens me they are still necessary in this fight."  
  
Wesley knew he was right, Buffy was still a slayer and Willow could be useful as a Witch- the two of them may think low of the others and see themselves as all important but everyone else knew it was more the support group they had. Now that team was gone and they would be left alone, however it also seemed to Wesley that Xander had always been the heart of the group, the creator of their teamwork.  
  
Now there was a new team being created every one of the original Scoobies was being replaced by a new one, one again created by Xander with him as the head this time as well as the heart. One slayer, one research genius, one watcher and one normal person. It had surprised him as much as anyone when the young man had requested him to be the watcher for the group. Ever with Xander's own watcher training being started by Giles he had been shocked and very surprised by the man's offer and had joyously accepted. The two of them had become fast friends since that point, Wesley had also increased the détente Angel and Xander had begun until the two had also begun to become friends, everything that had made them enemies came out.  
  
Reasons they had hated each other and more had been brought out, the full stories of that night in the hospital and the 'Night of Acathla' even the bomb under the library was told to all. It had originally started as the three of them talking in the office one evening but by the end of the conversation every one of the gang had appeared as if something had pulled them together.  
  
"Are we doing the right thing Wes."  
  
"You mean leaving Sunnydale and moving to La where you are helping a lost soul with her redemption to life, and a return to full sanity. Giving her a second chance when no other would. Living with those who believe in your skills and care for you more than those back in Sunnydale do." Wesley replied rhetorically  
  
"Stupid question huh."  
  
"Yes, quite so. Xander you and Anya have help Faith a great deal and the help from you and Faith on patrol has made quite an impact in the demon population of this area. You are very welcome here Xander and I know everyone else thinks you're the same and believe it or not you are what holds this group together."  
  
"Thanks Wes."  
  
Snapping back to his usual self Wesley said, "You going to Cordelia's place today?"  
  
"Yep, Faith, Anya and I are training and I have an unfortunate feeling they are gonna drag me shopping."  
  
Wesley blanched, "You poor, poor man."  
  
"Hell yeah, it could be worse."  
  
"Cordelia could be there too." Both men shuddered at that thought. Both had been through Cordelia's shopping trips and Xander knew that Anya could be as bad and he dreaded Faith's thoughts on the subject because of what she might get up to in those changing rooms and he didn't want to get in shit with Anya.  
  
However for Alexander Harris things could did get worse or perhaps better depending on how you see it.  
  
Angel Investigations One hour later  
  
*Damn*  
  
It had got worse, as he and Wesley had approached the offices they had seen the three girls outside laughing and chatting- at this point Xander had realised he was doomed. He found out then not only had Anya and Faith nixed the training for today but Cordelia had decided to come with them, looking at Angel and Wesley they could see the sympathy in their eyes and the barely held smiles in their faces. And only one thought came into his mind.  
  
*REVENGE*  
  
He would get that revenge and good, but how he had no idea how right now but he would get it and, as the Klingons would say.  
  
*Revenge is a dish best served cold*.  
  
*Maybe I'll ask Giles, I'm sure he has a few ideas that I can do to really wind them both up. After all his ripper days may reveal a cruel but harmless and very funny revenge tactic.*  
  
"Well a day in the city with three very beautiful ladies coming up, after you all."  
  
The girls left the room down to Angel's convertible that Xander had borrowed for the day, much against Angel's better judgement.  
  
"I'm officially in hell, shoot me now please."  
  
Xander looked over to the others and Angel threw a small package at him. Inside the envelope was exactly one thousand dollars. Xander started and looked up at Angel, the vampire with a soul just simply nodded and walked into his office, the surprise on Wes' face was a mirror to that on Xander's own, they both simply shrugged and Xander walked out the door.  
  
"So ladies where to today."  
  
"Shopping," they all cried in unison.  
  
Xander shook his shaggy head as he stepped on the accelerator,  
  
This was gonna be a very, very long day.  
  
Inside Angel investigations Soon afterwards  
  
"So with Giles coming to LA and with all the others still here, we will have a larger group than when we started back in Sunnydale. I believe that Sunnydale may become even more of a hotspot than it currently is."  
  
"I agree Angel but with the sole exception of Giles none of the rest of us can even contemplate a return, I suggest we do something to create a series of agents in Sunnydale perhaps a few who can tell us if anything strange is going on if they need help. I'm sure the rest of our little group have friends they can talk to as well as a few demons Giles and yourself could talk to."  
  
Angel sat back, it was a good idea, he already had a few contacts set up in a network throughout LA, it had taken a while but he now knew what big bads were in town and where they were. Buffy and willow would need their help when it came to it, now more than ever, Giles and Xander the real heart and mind of the group and indeed now with their own had left them alone. That was going to be hard on them both maybe it was wrong of them to do what they were doing but there was little choice left but to leave them to their own devices.  
  
*Flashback* Two Days after Xander's arrival in LA Angel's Apartment 11am  
  
For two days Xander had slept, the full flood of his emotions had ripped through him like a waterfall tearing away his inner walls and the defences that had been built over so many years had crashed down and been ripped away by the flood. Each member of the group, Cordelia, Angel, Wesley, Faith and Anya had taken turns to watch over him the girls sometimes curling up next to him or around him to hold him down while he thrashed around in the depths of Morpheus' realm.  
  
Anya should have seemed very jealous and maybe even a little scared about Faith's attachment to Xander and the way both she and Cordelia would wrap themselves around Xander to keep him calm and relaxed. Strangely enough though she was not in the slightest bit worried about it. For the entire time she had returned to humanity she had been out of place and out of time, and as the old song had gone Xander had 'Picked her up, turned her around and turned her into someone new.'  
  
For two days she had stayed near him, only leaving when the others forced her into a bed they had set up across the room. She slept and ate but did little else while Xander was comatose, she had for lack of a better word shut down. She really loved the man more than she believed she could have, he had given up everything for his friends even fought alongside them while she herself had run away from the fight. He had been a great man as far as the stories went even those who had scorned him for years had told her that he had pulled them together and made the fight for what meant the most to them, their homes and their families and each other no matter who they were, from Cordelia and Harmony the school In group to Jonathan the walked upon geek. All agreed he had kept them alive and fighting throughout that day.  
  
Now he followed his ethics and his heart once more, she knew of his dalliance with Faith from a year ago and did not worry about it as most would. Xander had followed what he believed to be right and decent when it came to Faith- granted she had fallen to the forces of darkness and come under the thrall of the mayor but like many who had been in her place power could be seductive and consuming, the power of a slayer is close to that of the ancient gods. That power had seduced Faith and made her seem like she could never be hurt, he belief that she was better than anyone had distanced her from what she had done from her inadvertent killing of the deputy mayor to her framing of Buffy and later her body swapping.  
  
It had hurt her more than she could ever have believed and Anya knew so much of that, for a thousand years she had served the dark side as a vengeance demon doing things that would make old Hera blush and she was well known to be vindictive. He own fall to the dark powers had lasted so long she had forgotten everything about being human, once she had returned to the human she had once been she had needed help. So she could easily identify with the hell that Faith was now going through, too often Anya had woken in the middle of the night screaming as all she had done over the years.  
  
So now she was there to help another who had been so harmed by her choices, Giles had been right to send her to help Faith as much as she could a human that had to face her past and the wrong that she had caused for so many people. She may have been human but Anya knew more about pain and suffering than even Angel could have imagined and now she had to use her strength to help Faith to overcome the darkness and find a way back to them all.  
  
Xander on the other hand had come of his own free will to help Faith through her redemption, he had no real reason to even come here at all. His life in Sunnydale may not have been the greatest there could be, he has a job somewhere to live helped look after the town and wit just a little ego, she was there too. His entire life had centred around Willow and Buffy and his willingness to sacrifice all in the name of their friendship and the people he had sworn to protect.  
  
However so much had changed for him that he now realised that he had been pushed out of the loop again and he had been left behind, with that knowledge and the knowledge that no matter who or what you are you deserve a chance to make things right. It was that belief that had allowed him to defy all the rest and to help a fallen slayer return to the light.  
  
Now his own healing would be necessary as well as Faith's and indeed her own different types of healing, the whole of the group had so many problems and bottled up emotions that a lot of work would be needed to keep them going. They would be there for each other as long as they were needed, she loved Xander very much and would stay there to be with him as much as she could, Xander would not be leaving anytime soon mainly because he knew he was no longer welcome in Sunnydale and Faith would need him here with her as far away from that bitch Buffy as she could get.  
  
Xander would be one of the few people around them that would be wholeheartedly trusted by the rest not one person out of them all will turn their back on him ever again, there would be no reason to. He was more than willing to put himself on the line again and again to save them all, not one person was ever abandoned by him without reason- that much was sure once and forever. He was unwilling to abandon Anya when she needed him and would not leave Faith now she needed him more than ever even after all she had done to him over her time in Sunnydale.  
  
She didn't know his mindset about leaving Buffy and Willow, no matter what they had done they had been his world for a very long time even before they started fighting the forces of evil Willow and Xander had been friends- she also knew that he would feel really unfortunate once he lost Willow. He still blamed himself for the loss of Jesse that way- but he may not feel so much self hatred because it was much more Willow's fault that anything Xander had ever done.  
  
Anya had come to realise much over the last few months, that unlike the others Xander had grow up faster than they had he still had his comedy persona but there was a maturity that probably exceeded all but Giles. That part of Xander came out rarely but she is quite sure she had seen it a few times more than others, he was more than capable of being an adult but for the years he had been through the fights and the constant danger he had never let anyone see that part of him.  
  
More and more recently she and Giles as well had seen that his reasons for staying had nothing to do with the selfish need many others may have had for staying, he may originally stayed to be close to Buffy as he had been very much in love with her for three years. That would have been selfish originally but for the fact he was needed as much as anyone to keep the rest in line and to keep them alive.  
  
That changed so much over the last year- he didn't stay around because he needed to, he stayed because he wanted to. But that want had waned severely since he had returned from his road trip He may have still be the joker but something in him had grown, Xander was now more than he had been and Anya believed that it was possible the time he had been able to dwell on the graduation ceremony had made him think much more than he had before.  
  
He had been a leader that day something he had not done very often when Buffy was around, when he had had to do it during a Summer a few years ago when Buffy had run away he had only had to watch over three of four people and kept them alive. He also admitted he did have Giles helping him, that day however he had led fifty students in a fight for their lives and the lives of all Sunnydale against a demon of massive power and miscellaneous vampires. Many had died that day and Xander blamed himself for those deaths he sometimes believes he should have done more to save those who had dies, the same way he believes he should have saved Jesse or stopped Faith falling.  
  
These were all ridiculous ad many of them know he did all he could but that thought still haunts him to this day, the lack of belief in himself and his abilities were atypical of his behaviour across the board. Self hatred and his constant ridicule from all corners had hurt him so much over the years that when he does do something right he always believes he could have done more to save people or help others- it doesn't help that no-one had ever known about his real bravery and his capability to save his friends.  
  
So know she sat here next to his bed watching over him like he had done so many times to his friends, it should have been one of them doing this too not just people he had known for a few years but the two people his entire life had wrapped around. But he had left them and all he knew behind three days ago and for the moment there was no going back and no way for him to repair what had happened. Anya didn't believe he would even if he could, Buffy had all but turned against those who had been defiant of her. An arrogance even Anya had never contemplated filled Buffy's mind making her believe she could never be wrong and she was always the one that was right.  
  
The power of the Slayer may have magnified that but it was purely Buffy Summers that had that egotism that was driving a wedge in the forces that had always helped her, that ego had been strong enough to drive her closest allies away from her with a speed that was unlike any she had encountered before. Xander had loved Buffy Anya was very sure of that but her superior attitude had shattered Xander more and more even after all he had done, even enough to keep her going after getting are arse whipped by a Vampire. That love had been strong and for the time she had known him she had felt that love and the light that burned so bright from it but slowly, ever so slowly it had begun to fade like a candle in a sunrise.  
  
Then one day it had gone he still felt love as a friend but the wholehearted love he had had for Buffy had left him, and now even that little chance of the spark that she had seen that threatened to pull a flame from the depths had finally flickered and died. All the strength and power he had from his time with his friends had dulled more and more until there was nothing and he had been a hollow shell inside. It would take more than she had to fill that gap he had and he didn't know what to do for him, for not the first time she was at a complete loss.  
  
LA City Centre A mall somewhere Inside Victoria's Secret About 7 hours later  
  
Xander was not the most comfortable man at this point in time, the women in his life were all trying on different pieces in the store. Now most men would love this and Xander was no exception. He was just nervous about what could happen. Xander just stared blankly as he waited for theb girls to finish in the changing room. The curtains opened all at once and first out stepped Anya and his head stopped, Cordy emerged from the next changing room and his brain left his body, finally faith walked out and all the blood in his body had centred in his underareas.  
  
They all looked incredible, Anya was in a very small blue baby doll nighty with long blue stockings showing her perfect legs and very tight arse. Xander stared at her and felt his trousers get very tight.  
  
Cordy stood in a red and black Basque that pushed her breasts up and in enhancing here already incredible cleavage She turned and bent over pretending to pick something up showing her rear end and legs even Faith was surprised at her audacity. Xander's eyes were almost popping out of his sockets and that's when he saw Faith and his brain turned to mush.  
  
As a contrast to all he knew of her and the darkness of her eyes and hair she stood in a white bra and panty set, white stockings and garters and to top it off and long diaphanous white robe that covered her down to her thighs. All three knew the effect they were having on the young man and he looked as if he was ready to have a heart attack and so returned to their changing rooms to let him calm down.  
  
"Damn man I can't believe you have that much luck."  
  
Spinning around at the familiar voice he almost fell over as his usual lack of grace prompted an overbalance. In front of him with for once undyed hair and wearing a suit like attire stood his old friend and former scooby Daniel Osborne. A massive grin bigger than any he had given anyone since leaving Sunnydale appeared on his face, It was good to see the wolfman again especially after the last few weeks.  
  
"Oz what are you doing here."  
  
"Working."  
  
Succinct as always.  
  
"That looked like Cordy and Anya I get that but was that Faith."  
  
"Yep."  
  
Xander gave Oz a condensed version of the story of what had been going on both in Sunnydale and in LA, only leaving out that Giles would be leaving Sunnydale too. Oz agreed with what had been happening in Sunnydale and that it had been a good idea to leave for a while. As they were talking the girls came out of their rooms surprised at least to see Oz. Faith was a little wary of the warewolf, as one of her nastiest moments she had threatened to kill Willow, however Oz seemed to take it all in his stride.  
  
"Hello Oz."  
  
"Faith. Cordelia. Anya." He nodded to each in turn.  
  
"Well ladies have you decided what your getting."  
  
"Yes, including a few things for us to see in private." Said Anya huskily, that sent the remaining dregs of blood right down again. Giggling the girls went off to pay for their purchases with some of the money Xander had been given by Angel. His mind was still whirling after the show he had been through. "You have all the luck man, all the luck." Oz said with a hint of comedy in his voice.  
  
This was going to be a very strange day.  
  
Once out of the shop they all clambered back into the car, Xander passed an address card to Oz and asked him to come round to their offices once work had finished. He agreed and within a minute they had left and Oz had returned to work. They continued the drive with Anya and Cordelia talking and giggling comparing clothes and thoughts on stuff that did not interest Xander or Faith at all. So they sat there in companionable silence thinking about how things had changed for them all. Faith still found it hard to believe that Xander had given her such a chance and that brought a smile to her face- a smile that had not seen the light of day for many years, her eyes drifted off to sleep and her dreams began.  
  
*Flashback* Two Days after Xander's arrival in LA Angel's Apartment 12pm  
  
Standing across the room in the doorway to the apartment stood the raven- haired slayer that they had all gathered to help. Well originally anyway, now it seemed two of them would be helped by all, she herself and the dark haired young man in the bed.  
  
*Xander Harris.* he started to think. *Why do this for me, why distance yourself from those you had. Why leave them all to help me*  
  
More and more for two days Faith Williams had thought about the young man that had come after her all the way to LA, he had arrived bare hours before Buffy had but that had been enough for her, without his presence Faith may have totally lost the plot and fought back just to get away maybe even killing once again. That was one thing she never wanted to do again, kill a human it was too heart wrenching to go through.  
  
She had heard a small exchange between Angel and Wesley a day ago, Xander had believed she had some kind of mental illness. So she was more than ready to run if they had decided she was going to be moved to a hospital for mental patients, then she heard the rest and identified it with a TV program she had seen about it- PTS. She had met others on the road mostly old Vietnam vets that had seen it in others that had come back from the war, they were never the same after that- the demon hunter and the Watcher had agreed to keeping all of the newcomers with them until they were forced elsewhere by circumstances.  
  
So now she stood here waiting for the only man in her life to make her feel like she was worth anything to wake up or failing that to take Anya's place by his bedside. She already realised she loved the boy but much as she did she could see it in the other girls eyes that she loved him more than Faith ever could. Somehow the young man could get under your skin and stay there keeping hold of part of you and of your heart, making you feel like you were important to someone and you were worth more than you ever thought you could be.  
  
The hostile intent that was so obvious from many people's reactions to her presence were now painful but distant memories thanks to this young man, the one that had finally and painfully wormed his way into her life over the last few days she had been around him. It was a sharp pain buried so far into her to see her saviour in such a condition, knowing she was the one that had been responsible for putting him in it, even with Anya and Angel telling her otherwise. That he wouldn't have done what he did unless he believed in the person he had helped, none of it would get through into her mind until she heard them from Xander himself.  
  
Anya looked up as she realised Faith was watching them, smiling at the dark haired girl and motioned her new friend into the room and to the chair the other side of the bed from her to allow the slayer to watch over Xander as she also did. For the two days they had known each other they had talked for a long while, about their various time on the dark side of the fight and how they had been brought back by those that felt they should have that chance. Mainly the two people that should have had so much reason to fear and loath them Angel and Xander, Faith found it quite strange to have been brought back by the two long time nemeses working together to help her and more that that hatred had dissipated into a working relationship that they had never had before.  
  
Both the women had realised long ago that the whole reason that the two men had been at odds was one person: Buffy Summers, for several years she had had both of them wrapped around her little finger. Fortunately over time the spell she had around them had faded and so recently stopped altogether, piece by piece Xander had been able to move on from her as had Angel, so now both had literally abandoned her to her own fate and that fate was to be hers alone. That would be the price she would have to pay for her selfish ways and self-righteous behaviour that had hurt so many of those who had once proclaimed to being her friends. It was something she well deserved and it would hurt her very seriously, but Faith and Anya found it nigh on impossible to feel any sort of sadness or fear for the young woman.  
  
Now Anya studied the face of the young slayer in front of her, like the rest she knew of the circumstances and of what had happened to Faith. How she had fallen and hurt all those who had tried to help her gain and again, Angel had told her what had happened to Xander as Faith had tried to kill him by strangulation. The poison that had almost killed Angel, threatening Willow, more recently the torture of Wesley and how she had again tried to kill the rest of them. However even after what she had seen during her life Anya could no longer see that type of person in Faith, whatever had been in there that had forced her hand no longer seemed to be there all that remained was a tired scared woman with little hope and only a few people to count on. She would be okay if they helped her and help her they all would, the woman deserved more of a chance than she had ever been given by anyone and they had all seen that in her- the pain and suffering she had been through as much as anyone ever had.  
  
"He's bigger." Faith whispered.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
For the first time Faith was embarrassed by her outburst, she smiled a little and responded quietly.  
  
"He's a lot bigger than I remember I mean he was never a small build but he's a lot bigger now, I suppose that's because of his fighting and stuff."  
  
"That's not the only part that's bigger." Anya replies slyly to which Faith giggles a little.  
  
"I heard that you dirty little madams."  
  
Xander's eyes were still closed but a grin was starting to form on his face, his eyes opened and he looked at Anya and then Faith.  
  
"Damn two beautiful women looking over me while I'm in bed this day's getting better every time I open my eyes."  
  
Both girls looked shocked to hear his voice so casual like, that didn't stop them from jumping on the bed and hugging him like women possessed- which for all intents and purposes they were. Both held on for dear life to the man that they both loved as much s anyone they had ever known, Both held on for dear life to the man that they both loved as much s anyone they had ever known, to Anya he was the man who had given her humanity and the freedom to have a life again and to Faith he was the only man to see her for who she was and not a piece of meat or a toy to throw away.  
  
Xander on the other hand was more than a little surprised by the reactions of the two women that had suddenly jumped on him and had death grips on him. Not that it wasn't enjoyable but he was a little confused as to what was going on, the last thing he remembers is running through the street after talking to the Angel gang. Why Anya was here he didn't know but he did remember all that had happened during that day. The way that he would now be unwelcome in his home and with the people he had helped and looked after for so long- and all for a woman who had tried to kill them all. But she was someone who deserved a chance at making all things right for her again.  
  
"Hey it's okay, I'm fine a little groggy but ok. What's going on."  
  
Anya sniffled a little. "You have been asleep for almost two days Xander, We were worried you weren't going to come out of it at all. I didn't want to leave you until you woke up."  
  
"She hasn't either." Faith said as she sat up gripping one of his large hands in her two smaller ones. "She's not left the offices since she arrived, she stayed watching over you just as much as the rest of us have, none of us wanted you to wake up alone so we stayed here for you."  
  
Xander squeezed the hands of both the women sitting next to him, looking at one and then the other very surprised at the thought that the two women would be so worried for him that they would spend so long watching over someone like him. But he could see in their eyes that this was really the case, their eyes were totally open unlike any other time he would have looked into their eyes, he could see right into the souls of the two women and the tortures that ripped through their psyches haunting their days for so long.  
  
For the first time he allowed every defence he had ever built into his mind to collapse and let them see all the way into the depths of who he really was. From the surface of the wisecracking fun guy he had always shown, past the fighter and sometimes lover that he had allowed others to see. Through the layers of rubbish and collection of layers that had been there as a defence against others seeing into his mind or through his eyes as he was doing to them. He finally opened the last parts of his defences, that which held every single time he had been told he was useless, the times he had been pushed away. But most of all the part of him that held his inner strengths and fortitude that had allowed him to face down so much in his life from bullies up to and including Angelus.  
  
As the final barriers opened his looked directly into the eyes of both women allowing them to finally see who Alexander Lavelle Harris really was- the first in his life to really see him for who he was and why he was the way he was. To his surprise neither recoiled or backed away, they only held onto him tighter than before enough for him to know that they had seen it and would not be repelled by it. Anya began sobbing with combined joy and sorrow as she realised what was to come and that she would not be alone anymore, same as Faith whom realised that she was not the only in need to healing and redemption.  
  
As for Xander, he loved them both enough to realise he could no longer keep himself bottled up and alone the way he had done and it would be these women and his other friends here in LA that would be the people who would see the changes and who he would become. But for now however he would be content to rest and know he was in good hands- with the two women whom now meant more to him than anyone had ever done. Two women whom had replaced and filled the part of his heart that had been hollow for so many years.  
  
Back in Angel's Car Ten minutes later.  
  
Xander was concentrating on the road, although it was early evening it was just after the rush hour would have hit LA so there were still a few cars on the road but not too many. Looking in the rear view mirror he could see the two in the back flicking through magazines in silence while Faith had fallen asleep n the front seat. A smile appeared on his face- he still found it strange to be the guardian of these women, in more ways than one.  
  
Over the years he had watched and cared for every woman in his life be they best friends, lovers or even casual friends or people that he barely knew. Buffy- he had fought alongside and protected from those who meant her harm, Willow, his oldest friend her had watched over so often to make sure she was never hurt. Cordelia- he had messed up right royally there but was never able to see her alone and was always willing to help her if she needed it.  
  
Now the most recent Anya and Faith, both had much in common, both had fallen to the dark side and fought against those that tried to stop them be they human or demon. But he had managed to get through to them both and had repeatedly fought against his friends to give them a chance. Now he would keep his promise to both that he would always be there for them no matter what happened.  
  
Anya had told him about Giles' wish to train him as Faith's watcher, as he was the person she really did trust the most, he was honoured to be chosen for that duty. But for now he was happy enough to watch over her as a friend, with help from Anya and Cordelia among others he knew he would be able to handle her well maybe even back to being a full slayer.  
  
For now though they would have to take it all step by step, looking again he saw the others had fallen asleep curled up in the back seat of the car. The smile deepened and became a full grin as he thought now how much his life had changed and the way that he was needed and respected, a hell of a lot more than he had even been welcome in Sunnydale. There he had always been the one in the way, the one usually unneeded or unwanted, hell even during those few times he had done things right he had never been fully respected for it.  
  
Now he was, the gang here knew of all his exploits and how and why he had done what he had to, for a long time even he hadn't known really why he was fighting against the darkness and then it hit him rather like the railing had. He was unable not to, for years he had heard stories or seen things- people that just let others get hurt even after hearing the screams. He was not willing to do that, the first time he got involved was years before he met Buffy. A plump blond girl was being attacked by two men- he had grabbed a long pole from some rubbish and hit one across the head with it, at the same time the girl had kicked the other man in the gonads. He had grabbed her had and run as fast as he could dragging her along. That had been the first time he had met Amy Madison.  
  
He had fought normal people, helping some against bullies or those who just wanted to cause pain, mostly just those at school but sometimes those outside. Then came the slayer, with that a whole new approach to his fight against the forces that would pray on innocents, like when he fought normal people he would fight Vampires and demons. Why? Put simply he couldn't not fight them, going away and burying your head in the sand is so easy and unlike how many saw him going the easy way is not the way he is.  
  
He had no destiny, no real reason to keep fighting but he continued anyway- human tenacity can be as strong as any demon or godlike power, and his own was far stronger than anyone had ever believed. He fought because he had to, there was no way for him to go back to being Xander Harris, class clown and Friend to those oppressed by the 'In' crowd, he could have been one of those type easily if her had tried but refused them after making friends with two shy and unassuming people.  
  
Willow and Jesse.  
  
They were the other reason he had kept fighting all those years, the first few day they had met Buffy Jesse had been killed and Willow had been in serious danger. She at that time had no real powers, his strength and size advantage allowed him to help look after her, he was damned if he was willing to let her go the same way he lost Jesse. So he fought and fought so much more than many others ever had, but in the end had lost Willow to her own selfishness and insecurities about him.  
  
Now he had a new chance at stopping the evils of the world, through the help he was to give the people there in LA. The people that would not push him away or ridicule his efforts and most of all not leave him alone like so many others had, it had really hurt when he had been virtually removed from the fight, it was as if he was totally unnecessary to them now. With the arrival of Riley to their group with his military training and access to military hardware etc, Xander now felt so totally useless that he had believed it himself. Well almost.  
  
When Faith had reappeared after so long he had realised his reason to fight was not gone but just shifted to a different type of fight, one to save the soul of a woman whom had never been given a chance by anyone before much like himself. Looking back at her sleeping frame he could see in her the same thing he had seen those times he had watched Buffy over the years, she looked happy and the emotional scars, fear and resigned look they both had was gone. In it's place was a very beautiful and serene looking woman. A inner peace and beauty unsurpassed by any awakened person in history, he now knew he had to keep that there for them, no evil not pain or suffering just peace and contentment, caring and love that only true friends could ever give.  
  
The love and caring he would give her- until the day they parted.  
  
"What's that smile for?" A voice asked from the seat next to him.  
  
He watched as Faith slowly sat up and stretched languorously hiking he midriff cut top up further and rippling the muscles down her curves, running her hand through her hair she grinned mischievously. She had him again and she knew that, maybe a few weeks ago she would have grabbed him and rode him then and there, but something had happened that had changed that part of who she was.  
  
She had friends, Anya and Xander had taken her in and been friends to her unlike she had ever known, she still believed she loved the tall dark man but could not bring herself to hurt either of them by trying to lay Xander. She had already taken him once and had regretted the way she had treated him ever since she had come back from the dark place she had been for so long. If she had stayed with him that night maybe she would have stayed with the white hats enough to muddle through and not try to kill anyone.  
  
"Careful Xander, your other half may get jealous."  
  
Xander blushed and grinned at the dark haired slayer, she smiled back and giggled- a good sound to hear from her, Xander's humour had rubbed off on faith enough for her to be able to make jokes and play around without hurting anyone. Her now infamous carving of a tiny cross into Angel's chair was hilarious, he had sat down on it and it had taken him several minutes before he had realised his arse was on fire. He had run around the office looking for the fire extinguisher with everyone in the room staring or laughing their heads off.  
  
It took a matter of seconds for Angel to realise who had done it, but had taken it in it's intended joking role. Xander had fixed the chair and Angel had got on with his work. To this day Xander is sure he had seen the vampire smiling and every so often laughing at what had happened. Proving he wasn't just the brooding pain in the ass he had always seemed to be.  
  
"Down Girl or I may have to tie you down."  
  
"Promises will get you everywhere."  
  
A third voice interrupted. "Sorry but I'm the only one who's getting tied down around here." A laugh and a pair of arms snaking around his neck signalled Anya was awake now. Winking at Faith she continued. "Although maybe we can sort something out including you Faith."  
  
Xander's mind blanked as he concentrated on the road, his mind now in overdrive as all the images that one sentence brought forth came into his mind. Looking at him Anya and then faith waved their hand in front of his face trying to bring him out of his stupor before he had an accident. One turned to the other as both said.  
  
"I think we broke him." 


	6. Chapter 5

For my main man Merlin

RIP Old Friend this ones for you.

One Week Later

The Home of Rupert Giles

3pm

Bang Bang Bang

Several very loud and very hard knocks slammed into the wooden door, outside the door stood the originator of the sound- a ticked off slayer. Buffy and Willow stood outside the door trying to get the attention of the owner of the house. Neither had been to see Giles since Willow's conversation with him a week ago, he would understand that they had been busy and it had been unnecessary to see him unless they had needed to know anything about any weirdness they saw.

However in seeing nothing they had not needed to see him at all, still they wanted to see him and find out anything they needed to know. It was strange though he had not answered at all in the five minutes of knocking.

"He could be in trouble Buffy."

"Your right. Back up a second."

With that the slayer side kicked the wooden door, breaking it open and then running in, what they saw surprised them both.

"What's going on."

The entire room was empty, a quick search revealed nothing at all, the entire place was deserted- everything from the books that lined the shelves to the toiletries in the bathroom. He had gone.

"What happened" Asked Willow

Buffy stalked around looking for anything that could explain whet had happened to her mentor and friend, then she noticed the letter on the Kitchen counter.

_Buffy and Willow_

_I am sorry that I did not do this in person but it was the better idea to any I had had up until now. I have left Sunnydale permanently to assist our allies in their protection of the LA/Sunnydale area, please Buffy I did not abandon you, you have vehemently decided that you no longer need the help of many of the rest of us. You have driven out those who care about you the most, I did not agree with you taciturn attitude towards you Sister slayer and your best friend. I have been forced to agree, no matter how much it hurts me- to leave Sunnydale, I cannot stand by and let you destroy yourself by your selfishness and snideness to those of us without powers. If you need to contact me you can through Angel and his teammates. I will not be giving you my address as I do not believe you will want to undertake direct conflict between you Myself and Xander._

_We will as of today still be available to fight at the hellmouth but have no mistake Buffy we are no longer at you beck and call but are rather a real fighting team unlike your egotism shows, a group who just happen to want to fight the forces. Each of us has fought time and again for you and for this world. It is a shame that you can no longer see that._

_Goodbye_

_Rupert Giles._

"He's gone." Buffy whispered.

"What." Willow approached her blond friend and read the letter, uncomprehendingly she read it through twice more before it finally sank in. "He's gone."

"First Angel, then Xander now Giles. Traitors all of them."

"Hold on Buffy…"

"Why should I every one of them left me just as I knew they would, maybe Riley and Walsh were right the others should never have been involved."

"Wait a second Buffy, without the others neither of us would be here right now."

"I'm the slayer I could have handled it."

Willow was getting particularly worried about her friend's mental health, since Faith's reappearance and the fact that everyone seemed to be gathering around Faith trying to help her recover her faculties fully. Buffy's increased agitation and non-sensical rants were getting worse, perhaps she truly believed she was being betrayed by those around her, but to Willow the petite slayer was getting out of hand.

Walking away from the house the two of them moved in silence, this was not to last as the one question Willow most wanted to ask came out almost involuntarily.

"Why won't you give Faith a second chance?"

"What?" Buffy snapped angrily.

"Well you've given others a chance why not Faith?"

"Do you actually know what your asking? DO you realise what is coming out of your mouth."

"Well yes."

"How can you ask that?"

"Well it's only fair you've given everyone else second or third chances but when it came to Faith you just refuse to even consider it. I mean Angel, Giles hell even Xander's done things that weren't right but we gave them a chance why not Faith."

"She's a slayer she betrayed her calling and betrayed me."

"Well you kinda did the same Buffy, you did run away."

"Whos side are you on?"

"Well…"

"I don't really care, just go away Willow."

"But?"

"Go away."

Deflated the redhead left the side of the Irate Blonde, overall Willow had just about had enough, in the last few weeks she had lost all of the people she had considered friends because of Buffy's tantrums. She as much as anyone had seen the Scoobies go from the tight knit group they has once been to nothing but a pair of girls with no back-up, Willow was tired and feeling guilty about how they had treated their friends.

So there was only one thing she could really do

Willow now stood in the reception of Angel Investigations looking directly at the only person in the room, for many years he had been almost all that she thought about and the only person who knew her for who she really was and she had thought that ran both ways. Obviously she hadn't really seen what he was capable of, but for the first time in a while possibly the first time in her life, the blinders were off and she could really see him.

"Hello Xander."

"Willow, what do you want?"

"I can to see you Xander."

"I assume General Summers hasn't deigned to grace us with her presence."

"She doesn't know I'm here, she's losing it Xander. She thinks everyone is a traitor that disagrees with her. I've never seen her this way."

"And what has that to do with me?"

"Nothing, I had to get away, I think I may have made a mistake in allowing her to let you go, I should have said something beforehand, before she decided you had no right. We gave everyone else a second chance maybe we should have done so for Faith."

"You still hate her don't you."

"No, I don't think I really hate her. Maybe once but, I trusted your judgement before Xan, maybe I should have do so this time."

"Willow, the person you need to talk to is Faith."

"I don't know If I can, I'm still kinda scared of her."

"She won't hurt you Willow." Even with all that had happened in the last year Willow still held a place in his heart that was for her and her alone, he would never love her the way she believed she loved him or at least had done. Unfortunately forgiving and forgetting are two very different things for the young hunter.

"I can't do it."

"Then we have nothing to discuss."

"Xander we were friends what changed."

"What changed Willow is that you turned your back on me at least three times I can count, that is not something I can readily accept and just forgive. I worked my ass off to keep people alive and to help protect people but as soon as it was convenient you all decided I wasn't worth the effort and WHAM I'm gone from you thoughts."

"I never stopped thinking about you."

"Could have fooled me Willow, could have fooled me."

"What about you, you deliberately hid things from me, things that I had every right to know."

"Like What."

"Like your relationship with Cordelia, the person we most hated in our lives, sleeping with Faith. SENDING ANGEL TO HELL."

"Everything I have ever done is to protect people, I've made mistakes I've been selfish but there is no way in hell you are turning this on me. I've been here a good few weeks and not once have you tried to find out my side of this, it's always "Buffy's right" in your mind, well newsflash Willow She's human like the rest of us and she makes mistakes. This was just one I refused to let her make."

"Faith can't be worth that much to you, This is a mistake Xander."

"You never trusted me since this all started Wills we have nothing left to talk about."

Angry at both Willow and himself Xander left the room and walked down the stairs to the living quarters, Willow angrily wiped the tears cascading from her eyes and left the room slamming the front door as she did, outside her last vestiges of control fled and she fell to the ground all her pain and anguish coming out in a sirens wail of agony.

"Red?"

Looking up Willow could see Faith looking at her, the dark slayer looked a lot different than the last time she had seen her, there was evidence of pain in her eyes and the self confident stance and devil may care attitude was noticeably absent from the brunette. Strange thing was she looked much more comfortable this way than she had done at any other time that Willow had seen her, more so the dark haired beauty was also dressed much more demurely than usual, not that that meant much considering her usual clothes.

"I'm just going I…" Willow stumbled as she tried to get up off the floor, she was caught and straightened up by Faith who then stepped back knowing that Willow might not be comfortable with the Slayer's proximity.

"Hold on Red are you sure your ok?"

"I'm fine I Just…"

"You came to see Xander right, did you talk to him."

"uhh, yes I did I'm sorry but he's angry at me and it's my fault. Faith what happened really please tell me everything that happened I just want to know why he's changed so much and I need to know are you really trying to help us now."

"Damn red you really know how to get a girl flustered don't ya, some on I'm meeting the others downstairs in a few we'll all tell ya what's going on and maybe you can decided for yourself what happened."

"I can't I'm… I'm sorry I'll leave now."

Finally something clicked in Faith's head, the girl was still scared of her and why not she had tried to kill her several times.

"Wait Willow, I wont hurt you you know, hell if anyone hurts you they'll end up on the wrong end of a blade when Xander gets hold of them."

"But he hates me."

"He's angry and hurt Red, but Xander is incapable of hating you, he loves you still perhaps more than anyone else in his life. Including me. " She said this last in a whisper, "Much as I wish he could, he doesn't love me Willow he may care much for me and may love me as a friend but I'll never reach the level the two of you are, you have no idea how lucky you are."

"I may have forgotten before Faith but not anymore."

"Come on you better let him cool down, we'll explain everything to you maybe somehow we can get this entire thing sorted out- on ALL sides. Okay."

"Okay.

With that the two women left the offices of Angel investigations to meet with their cohorts downstairs, Xander Harris meanwhile had no idea of what was coming involving his oldest friend and his closest allies, in the end though he may wish he had.

Same Place

Three hours hence

Xander was still sitting in the chair in the basement apartment belonging to Angel, he had sat down soon after the visit from willow and had stayed there thinking since that moment, it was difficult to see his oldest friend again since the incident with Buffy knowing that Willow had sided with her. Willow's refusal to believe that faith could mean that much to the man had been the last straw; she had left him all but alone during the course of the last year or so. They had been that close once but now, it was as if they were little more than close acquaintances something that he had tried to halt in his own ways but had failed to. His friendships with the LA based group were good and all but he had been with Willow for almost fifteen years, and his most fervent wish had been that he could have saved that relationship. But in the end the bullheadedness on either side had pretty much snapped the thin cord that had held them together.

Looking up as the door opened he saw his two closest friends Faith and Anya come through the door chatting away very much to his surprise to an animated Willow, in the last few years she had either outright loathed or hated those two girls and yet here they were chatting like old friends, to say the dark haired man was surprised was putting it mildly.

"What's going on?"

"Hey Xman, we found her on the doorstep, can we keep her."

"Faith!" Xander Warned, after the incident earlier in the day the young man's patience was running low, weeks of stress and change had left him with a very short fuse, Willow's reappearance did not help in the slightest. Faith stepped back knowing not to push her luck too much.

"Ok Willow, Say your piece." He was acting cold, much colder than he had even though of being to this girl who was at one time as close as a sister to him.

"Will you listen?"

"Yes." One word that was it.

"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, I should have listened to you, should have understood what had happened, everything has two sides and if both you and Angel who hate each other will work to save someone I should have listened to you both I'm sorry, Faith's not as bad as I thought, she… she made me listen to her about what had happened, I love you Xander please forgive me."

Half heartedly she attempted a version of the Snoopy dance, something that the two of them had that tied them together over so many years, she did it badly and realised that Xander's face and body language hadn't changed in the slightest, the dance was doing nothing. Dejected she turned away and walked towards the door, hearing a scrape of the chair legs against the floor she turned around, Xander approached still with a blank expression on his face.

He stood In front of her,

"It's like this Willow." Xander followed her attempt with the Snoopy dance with his own flawless version, as he did the tension laying over everyone seemed to lift as Willow started as well both were laughing with a freedom that neither had felt in a long time. Laughing and crying Willow tumbled into Xander's arms hugging him tight, she knew it would take time but they had that time now, a lost friendship now restored.

In the doorway a smiling Slayer closed the door on the two friends leaving them to each other.


	7. Chapter 6

Pain and Consequences

Author: Silent Bob Foley

E-mail: Don't know the American rating so equivalent of a 15 certificate in England

Summary: After the body swapping episode What would have happened if Xander had gone after Faith in LA Instead of Buffy, well now we will see. B/X angst F/X friendship. I doubt this will be a BX relationship the angst will be the BX of this piece and the loss of Xander to her psyche is likely I'm still figuring that bit out.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the BTVS Characters, Joss Whedon does

Distribution: BBTZ, Slayerette and anyone else who wants it

Feedback: Hell Yeah

Spoilers: Body Swap episode.

British Words and Spelling

Dedication: Wolfy my Bro and long term writing partner, Danii- The god of AOD xovers and The old gang from the BX fanfic list, we may have lost but still in fic the fight goes on.

Dorm Room

Stevenson Hall

Three days later

The other side of this equation was currently standing alone in her dorm room, again it had taken the diminutive blonde almost a week to realise that she had been left alone by the last of those whom had followed her into the fight against the darkness. The loss of the last of her few friends had rattled her seriously, now not only had the love of her life and someone who she once thought she could love had both betrayed her but her watcher and her best friend had both left her alone, and for what to work alongside a bunch of traitors, a group of people that had left her in the lurch. Leaving her to do all the fighting herself.

Well Good. thought Buffy, The less of them doing this the less I have to pull their arses out of the fire. The blonde slayer was becoming more and more convinced than only those chosen or capable of real fighting should get involved in this war, therefore with the help from Riley she would have a better chance than with a bunch of untrained humans and novice witches.

Willow had come back sometime in the last few days and removed her possessions from the dorm room, nothing was left anywhere, Willow had left behind a letter explaining her reasons why she had left. Buffy had though Willow would stay with her but hadn't realised that the redhead's friendship with the Dark haired boy transcended anything else in her life, that didn't stop Buffy from thinking of her former friend as a traitor to the Blonde.

"Hello Buffy?" Came a voice from the side, spinning around her hand dropped to her waistband for a stake but came up empty, it was the middle of the day and she didn't expect to need it. The rest of her weapons were in the chest her unwelcome guest was currently sitting upon, seeing his face her own twisted into a snarl and she tensed ready to hit him.

"I really wouldn't try, if I were you."

"Oh really, why not."

"Because you ten foot away and my trigger finger is particularly fast these days." Once again much like that time at Angel's offices Xander had the drop on the Slayer. "And believe me if you thought your Cruciamentum potions were bad this is much stronger and in certain doses permanent. So shut up and listen carefully."

"Get out."

"Ah, ah, ah, Don't push this Slayer this is the only warning you get. The group have left Sunnydale, every one of us is now working and staying in Los Angeles with a few others we trust, we may have left this shit burg but it doesn't mean that we will leave it undefended."

"Well it's not." Buffy interrupted. "Me and the Soldiers are all fine."

"Those soldiers don't have a clue, what kind of soldier goes in against multiple threats without nearly the right Intel or weapons. Tazers instead of Stakes and Holy water, hell I've watched 'em none even wear a cross, their sidearms don't even use hollow points which might do some damage. But then after all that what else do they do, they do things like this." he threw a very small disk shaped piece at the feet of the blonde.

"What is it?" she asked.

"Spike's Chip."

"You took it out? I never realised you were that stupid Xander."

"No Buffy I didn't remove it from Spike, he didn't exactly have a choice though."

"What?"

"Spike the Impotent is now dustbuster fodder."

"He was useful; he could have given us Information."

"He was a soulless killing machine; I won't lose sleep over it."

"He was harmless."

"Buffy, he was a vampire, he might not have been able to bite a human or attack anyone but there are battlefields that have nothing to do with strength."

"We could handle him."

"He would have screwed around with your mind Buffy, not that theirs much to mess with."

"I would have stopped him."

"Really? The same way you handled Angelus?"

She growled.

"The government put those chips into demons and vampires they want to control."

"Yeah to help protect living people."

"Come off it Slayer even your not that incompetent, when have the federal government ever done anything that didn't have an ulterior motive."

"But Riley..."

"Buffy we were friends for a long time, you threw that away when you stopped listening to those who had watched your back, when you started believing everything you were told by these so called 'Commandos' you lost track of the war. Trust me when I say there's more to this 'chip experiment'."

"Oh really oh great Military mind do tell."

Xander just sighed, he couldn't say he was surprised by her reactions. She was blinded by her belief that the ends justify the means and believing everything she was told by another power hungry maniac in charge of a 'demon retrieval' team, he did believe the same thing but not at the risk of losing sight of the Important things.

"Picture this Buffy there's a war out there not between demons and vampire but between humans, middle east, the pacific, Africa these wars are all over the place and the Allies send troops into keep the peace. But what if they don't have to, what if they can use tame demons to fight for them."

"But the chip doesn't let demons hurt humans."

"Maybe this version." He gestures to the chip on the floor, "But if they can program it on the fly, so not to hurt 'Americans' or 'White people' or something then they have a ready made army to fight their enemies without human casualties, then there's the psychological advantage, the nightmares made flesh attacking your lines again and again. No-one could take that for long."

"You're reaching now Harris, there's no way that the Initiative will allow those things to go around killing innocent humans."

"No-one's who is willing to let another man die is Innocent Buffy."

"Your not serious, the American government wants freedom above all else, this will help people live without fear."

"My god you really believe that shite don't you."

"They won't use it, like that."

"Maybe they will, maybe they won't, but I sure as hell don't trust this technology and if it's ever perfected they'll believe that they won't need people like us and those 'humans' with abilities, Werewolves, witches hell even slayers will be on their termination lists."

"Why would they kill an ineffectual normal human." She sneered at him trying to get him riled.

He didn't take the Bait. "Because I've been fighting this war for years now and considering all I've been through and all I know I'll be a threat to their security."

"What so you killed Spike because of this inane 'theory'."

"No I merely stopped him from becoming a threat at any other time."

"You'll do the same to Angel I'll bet."

"Yes I would and he knows it too, THAT is why he trusts me because unlike some people I can do what needs to be done before innocents are killed because a certain person let the bleach get though to her few living brain cells."

"You bastard."

THWACK

A single high pressurised ampoule attached to a dart thudded into buddy's chest directly into one of the main blood vessels, within a half dozen beats the fluid inside had flooded her veins with the quick acting potion. The second lunge stopped almost before it began as the slayer gifts were suppressed within those few seconds.

"Bastard."

"I only wish I was then I wouldn't have had to live with those so called parents of mine."

"Well maybe they were right and you are worthless."

"And your so perfect."

"I'm the slayer."

"No your not."

"IM THE SLAYER."

"SHUT UP." He shouted, the command instinctively causing Buffy's mouth to clam up.

"You're a slayer Summers not THE slayer, you did notice that there more than one now. You know the Dark haired girl you were willing to kill several times over for what you believed was a slight against you. You can't handle the thought your not the only one and the perfect Slayer you thought you were."

"I…"

"Thing is Summers." He said more gently, "Your not even the chosen one anymore, the Slayer spirit jumped remember, Kendra first now Faith has the spirit, you're an anachronism, yesterday's news. Without the help you've had four almost four years you'll fall and believe be no one will be there to catch you."

"The Initiative will."

"They'll let you die and then carve you up to see what made you tick, try to create their own slayers or super powered soldiers."

"They care."

"Yes but about what?"

Momentarily forgetting the potion flooding her system she jumped and send a haymaker at the much bigger man, without her powers the end was inevitable as she all but bounced off as he moved in an took the hot on the shoulder sending her sprawling onto the floor. She landed on her backside and attempted to roll up to hit him again, this time he just picked her up and pushed her against the wall lifting her up by her arms.

"Now listen to me and listen good slayer, this is my home as well and I'll be damned if I let a bunch of newbie wannabe hunters get innocents killed around here. I have ever right to fight and protect this town, I've left but I've never forsaken those who need the help unlike some people I know. Now you can walk beside us or you can turn away but either way do not get in the way or you'll be the one taking the fall. You have twenty four hours till that wears off, don't leave the dorms tonight, we'll take care of the patrols."

"Why are you doing this?" Buffy asked

"Ask yourself that Buffy, why are you doing what you are."

"I have no choice."

"I don't mean your calling."

"Because I have to,"

"Now so do I."

With that Xander Harris dropped the slayer back to the floor, walked out of the door and down into the daylight outside the main doors, walking away he didn't look up to the window where the Blonde slayer watched him leave a single tear running down her face.

Walking away from the window the blonde slayer for the first time allowed herself to think about what was going on, she had been deserted by every single person she knew and why? Was she really being that unfair to her friends, Faith had betrayed her, swapped bodies and tried to make her life hell but in the end did she really do anything that had consciously harmed anyone before she had been all but pushed into the Mayor's arms?

She had murdered people.

But she had thrown the assistant mayor at Faith.

Faith had joined the Mayor.

Had Buffy forced her away?

Faith was a hero

So was Buffy

So why was she so willing to condemn her sister slayer?

She had tried to kill Faith now more than once.

Was she a hero anymore?

Is this really the end? she wondered to herself.

Looking into the mirror Buffy looked at herself, everyone she knew and cared for except for Riley had left her alone and unloved, had she brought this upon herself- she had only ever tried to do the right thing.

But had she.

Everyone of those she had cared for had left her, she was alone again and not for the first time, but this time she was given the chance to really think about things. She had always believed she was above reproach because of her duty, but now now she needed to find where it had changed where things had gone wrong. Tears falling constantly now she curled up and closed her eyes.

Willow: her best friend and sister, Willow had been there since the Beginning and had always sided with Buffy in all cases, had supported and loved her as a family member would.

Giles: her father, Hank was her biological Father but Giles was the man she loved as a father and had acted like it more than any man ever had- he had looked after her well-being and had never pushed her where she didn't want to go. He had been fired for his love for his slayer and she had all but ignored it.

Faith: A Sister Slayer and someone she should have managed to get close to but had refused to, she had never hated Kendra so why hate Faith.

Xander:

Oh God Xander.

He had been with her since that first day at Sunnydale High School, that first day saving her life and saving others from vampire attacks. Looking back she had always demeaned his help in every way and he had stayed out of loyalty, so why was he gone now? Why did he leave her to her fate? Did he see Faith as a real slayer?

Was Faith the real Slayer?


End file.
